Manga Life
by Raven Ella Black
Summary: A handsome new boy named Aki Yuki transfers to Ouran. Strangely, he isn't Japanese, yet has a Japanese name, explained by the fact that he didn't want anyone to have trouble with his name. Why does he have such an (apparently) creepy interest in Haruhi? And what happened to the international pop star Noel Cassidy? Does Aki Yuki have anything to do with her mysterious disappearance?
1. Chapter 1

It was an ordinary day at the strangely pink school called Ouran Academy. Kyoya was frowning at his pineapple laptop screen. International American pop star, Noel Cassidy, had vanished from Mexico where she had her last concert. The last time she was seen, she was blathering on about finally managing to track someone down. After effortlessly hacking into her banks' account statistics he discovered that a small fraction of her enormous fortune had been recently removed, an hour or so before her disappearance. He cocked his head to the side and made a 'hmm' noise under his breath. There was no info as to who removed the money, or anyone removing the money at all. The yen was simply missing. It was a challenge.

And Kyoya ever so loved challenges.

Kyoya began to type and scroll and do all the Kyoya-like things to solve this mystery. It was even more amazing that he managed it with the twins trying to distract him by threatening to decapitate him during a nearby, vigorous game of kick-the-can-to-Kyoya.

"Hey! Host club!" A blonde girl, daughter of a multibillionaire CEO came rushing in suddenly. Kyoya recognized her. She was one of their more frequent customers.

She paid well over what she had to, too. He grinned as he thought of the interest rates' sudden change due to her requests and visits.

"Yes?" Kyoya asked politely, turning on a bit of his charm and watching as she blushed.

"Someone's helicopter is outside. It's not even going anywhere, it's just floating there. It's causing a commotion," She said quickly before running off, her cheeks aflame.

"Let's go check it out!" Tamaki said, striking a dramatic pose before running out of the room, the rest of the hosts following.

They rushed outside in time to see a black coloured helicopter opening it's doors. What seemed to be a young male appeared and turned back as if talking to someone. The mysterious male made wild gestures with his hands before he turned tail and faced downwards.

"NINJAAAAAAA-" A decidedly masculine voice rang out over the whiring sound of the helicopter. The students of Ouran were coming out in droves to see what all the commotion was about. "-JUUUMMMPPPPPP!" The voice rang again as the figure jumped off the helicopter and did several fancy spins in midair causing people to holler and clap in awe. Well, some of the students from lesser families did anyway. _And_ Tamaki along with a wide-eyed Honey who let out a childish, "WOOOOW! How cool!".

Finally, after a parachute helped the boy not break his neck, the host club came face to face with a handsome young man with green eyes and dark brown hair. He was decidedly NOT Japanese.

"Hello! My name is Yuki Aki!" He exclaimed in crooked, accented Japanese. Immediately he frowned, puzzling and muttering. "I mean, Aki being my last name... So it would be Aki Yuki, no?"

"Yes, you are quite right. Hello and welcome to Ouran Academy. My name is Suoh Tamaki," Tamaki stepped forwards, flourishing roses and flouncing about like some slightly insane gazelle. The girls cooed, however Aki cocked his head to the side.

"Does he always carry roses around with him?" he wondered out loud. Tamaki bowed courteously to the boy, smiling and acting just as dramatic as usual.

"Don't be afraid to feel shy. Everyone is bashful at first, you know, and it is our responsibility as the Host Club to make you feel welcome!" He said, smiling up from beneath his eyelids as he had paused at a sort of bent shape, like he was going to go onto one knee to kiss Akis' knuckles, suddenly realizing Aki was a boy and freezing in place.

Aki Yuki first stared at him for a moment, looking uncomfortable and muttering, "Pinch me now," under his breath. Then he nodded knowingly, a strange twinkle appearing in his eye. '_Two can play at this game,'_ Aki thought, as he grinned. He grabbed one of the falling roses between his teeth and twirled, dancing around Tamaki, with a brilliant smile causing a few girls to faint and some of the others to blush. He bowed to Tamaki, re-introducing himself. Tamaki frowned, catching onto what Aki was doing and sulked in his corner, becoming extremely disgruntled that _Aki-sama_ had managed to imitate him perfectly.

Haruhi slumped against the twins, muttering "Check my pupils and see if they're dilated!" Hikaru rolled his eyes at the shell-shocked girl, a smile tugging his lips.

"No, Haruhi-chan, you don't have a concussion." Kaoru answered sternly for his twin.

"Would any of you beautiful young ladies care to lead me to the Principal? It would be ever so helpful, as I wouldn't be able to find my way otherwise in this big school..." Aki-san sighed softly, smiling charmingly at the women in the crowd. Roses fell and the air around him seemed to turn a lovely shade of pink, causing girls to sigh dreamily or turn bright red as he pressed a button on his backpack. With a grande flourish, his parachute started to slowly vacuum itself into the his backpacks' large pouch, revealing that he was wearing the school's uniform. _Look good in it too_, Aki thought arrogantly.

_'He's... too much... One Tamaki was bad enough but two!?_' Haruhi thought, her brain going onto overdrive before she passed out in Hikaru's arms.

"I can show you if you wish, Aki-sama. My name is Ootori Kyoya," Kyoya said, stepping out from the shadows in which he had stood, his eyeglasses glinting brightly in the sunlight.

"Thank you Ootori-sama. Did I use that honorific right?" Aki asked, looking worried. Kyoya merely smiled.

"Uh, guys...I think Haruhi-chan is studying in that big library up there," Hikaru yelled to the other Hosts. "Uh, got anything to revive her? Cold water? Strange-smelling stuff? Salts? Medical icky-goo? I could use a little help here, you know," He waved at them.

"Mommy is going to be gone for a while," muttered Tamaki, trying to sulk and look dramatically lonely.

"Let's hope Kyoya-kun finishes this up, and no Tamaki-sama, you can NOT kill the new student just because he mocked you," Kaoru added smugly.

"I wasn't thinking of killing," Tamaki snorted, tossing his hair out of his eyes.

"Then maiming, injuring, utterly removing possibility to having little Yuki-juniors, perchance?" Kaoru crooned, laughing. Tamaki glared, yelling "No! Just... slipping into a comatose state due to 'accidental' use of powerful chemicals..."

"Guys?" Haruhi said as she opened her eyes and groaned, "My head is killing me and I could have sworn there was a guy who was like Tamaki-senpai's long-lost twin..."

"What, a twin? Like me? Why, nobody could imitate such charm... And uniqueness... Or such gentility...Nobody can ever replace the heart of a Golden Prince," Tamaki spoke, gesturing gracefully and spinning around, with Aki right next to him lip-syncing and copying his every move simultaneously. Only he looked much better at it then even Tamaki himself.

"Haruhi," Tamaki whimpered, as he stared at the slightly shorter, handsome boy, "I th-think we're h-having a n-nightmare!"

"Join the club," Hikaru muttered. "Oh so _now_ you offer us attention, huh? What about when Haruhi fainted?"

"What?! Haruhi-chan fainted?! Kyoya! Call an ambulance, we must secure my daughter's safety!" Tamaki rattled over at the speed of light only to turn around and see that Kyoya and Aki were laughing as they walked away into the distance towards the school. "KYYYYYYYYYYOOOOOOOOOOOOYYYYY YYYYYAAAAAAAAAA!"


	2. Chapter 2

Kyoya frowned impatiently as he stood still outside the door of the principals' office. Aki-sama had gone in to get his schedule from the principal, and hadn't reappeared for an hour. Classes had resumed fifteen minutes ago.

Finally, just when Kyoya was making up his mind to either go in and get Aki-sama or just walk to his class when the door reopened.

_Guess I won't have a chance to use the blow-torch_, he thought sarcastically.

"What took so long?" Kyoya asked, keeping his frustration out of his voice skillfully.

"I-" Aki-sama opened his mouth to answer when the principal laughed.

"Yuki-San was merely teaching me how to juggle! Here," the principal gave them slips to excuse their lateness.

Kyoya began rubbing his head, wondering how hard and if he knocked it against something. He'd been randomly intoxicated by the perfume of the hydrangea and dizzilly he hit it against the wall, causing amnesia making him forget about being intoxicated, and hallucinations to form due to a boggled retina. Yes, that was the sensible conclusion.

"You... were teaching the principal how to juggle?" Kyoya said slowly. Aki nodded, "And you let him use your first name?" Kyoya continued, trying to sound inquiring, not incredulous. He discreetly reached for some smelling salts in his back pocket.

"You can too if you wish Ootori-sama," Aki, never-mind, Yuki-kun said. "That is, use my first name, not juggle."

"Very well," Kyoya nodded. It would be good to establish connections with someone who has them in America and such. "You may call me Kyoya," and the two boys went to class. Well, Kyoya dropped Yuki-kun off at his class, before heading towards his own.

After they returned from classes and were back in the club room, Kyoya researched Aki Yuki on his pineapple laptop and found out some very basic information about the good-looking boy. (Not that Kyoya thought he was good-looking, that's just how the author was describing him, so deal with it). Though it was curious that there was so little information about him. Almost as if the rest had been removed, or if all this was faked. Kyoya figured the first, after all, why would Yuki-kun need to fake any information anyway? That would make no sense.

Then again, he was sitting in a pink school with a pineapple laptop, one of his friends had a stuffed pink bunny while another was a brilliant genius girl dressed as a boy, and their main activity was entertaining rich girls. What made sense in this academy?

Anyway, so he found out that Aki was extremely rich, (of course or he wouldn't be at Ouran), his nanny when he was younger was Japanese and so he had picked some things up and learned a bit more on his own when he was older before coming here.

Kyoya scoffed. Yuki's Japanese was still too heavily accented and he screwed up using the most basic grammar on a daily basis. Yuki had his own private police force, though it's size couldn't even compare to Kyoyas' own, with only 100 soldiers, as Kyoya had over 2000 soldiers under his own command. Kyoya also found out that he was the heir to some obviously popular company, and had a few shares in a company called 'Coca Cola'.

Closing his laptop, he decided to make a short inquiry about how much of the seemingly unreliable information was fake. Striding through the music room he searched for Tamaki. Haruhi, Honey, Mori, Hikaru and Kaoru were "conveniently" absent. Or maybe just hiding from him right now. Seriously, what was wrong with today? He was going crazy.

Finally Tamaki finally appeared, humming and prancing along nervously, repeatedly looking out the window to calm himself by seeing the hydrangea's beauty and freshness. Though to Kyoya he looked as though he was expecting that Aki might suddenly climb through to give him a nasty shock.

"Hey Tamaki, have you ever heard of a company called 'Coca Cola'?" he asked his prancing friend. Tamaki frowned and opened his mouth to answer. 3, 2, 1...

Aki suddenly danced over with a rose in his teeth. Tamaki looked horrified and almost fell out the open window, had he not already frozen in an undignified position. He held up for two seconds before falling behind Kyoya with a loud "KYAAAA!" Aki pulled out what appeared to be a tin can, opened it and took a sip before striking a dramatic pose, hair flowing in a nonexistent breeze.

"Coca Cola. Delicious, but I can't really say nutritious, 'cause then I'd be lying," Aki winked before taking a big swig of the drink. "Coca Cola. It'll set your taste buds on FIY-AH!" he said before opening his mouth and breathing out live flames. Then he gagged, causing more smoke to erupt from his throat. Kyoya cleaned his glasses, wondering what the heck was wrong with them.

"I can *cough cough cough* never *gag cough gag* get *cough* that part *gag gag cough* right!" he said before he fell to the floor in a coughing fit. Upon closer inspection, Kyoya realized that there were two cans of cola. The actual one, and another one that had some chemicals that apparently allowed the drinker to breath flames. _Remind me never to purchase edibles from him. By the time I do, they won't be edible anymore._

Suddenly Aki was up on his feet, grinning charmingly. He pulled out another can of cola- honestly where does he even put those?-and opened it.

"You want it? That'll be five hundred yen." he offered, hand outstretched dramatically. Kyoya shook his head and was about to go back to his laptop when Aki blurted, "Then just hold it for a second!" and shoved it into Kyoya's hand in a strange way that allowed Kyoya to hold it for a second or two before mysteriously falling out of his grip. Suddenly a hand was shoved in his face.

"That'll be eight hundred thousand yen," Aki said, all business-like and pointing to the floor and revealing that some of the drink had gotten onto the boy's obviously expensive shoes and pants, causing the increase in price. Kyoya gaped, getting ready to argue that he didn't even want to hold the cola in the first place, thought of all arguments against that, figured he couldn't win, before he reluctantly paid the price.

Suddenly Aki was all smiles again as he pocketed the money and pranced off in a perfect imitation of Tamaki, who glared mildly. He wasn't sure whether to be honored, or angry really. If this day got any weirder, Haruhi would march in declaring she'd chosen Usa-Chan as her true love.

_Hmm_, thought Kyoya. Looks like Tiny Tamaki/con man-in-a-pocket is challenging the Host Club. He could have some fun with this. _You do your trickery, and I'll do mine_. First some phone calls...

* * *

Aki was snickering in his head at Kyoya because he could easily just get his clothes cleaned for free at the laundry he had a few shares in, instead of buying a completely new uniform like everyone expected him to.

Honestly, they were all complete idiots really. Going to Ouran will be easier than he originally thought. Now, if only he could figure out what to do about Noel Cassidy...

OW!

Or the pain in his intestinal region from inhaling all that smoke. Whose idea was that anyway? When Aki got his hands on him he'll-

'It was your idea dumbass,' said a voice in his head which caused him to stop abruptly and name it Conny before walking on.

* * *

"Hey Kyoya!" Haruhi walked in, holding Usa-Chan. "Have you seen Honey? I wanted to tell him that Usa-Chan is-"

Kyoya turned and ran at a dead sprint out of the school, ignoring the fact his side was starting to scream bloody murder.

"-Back from the laundry?" Haruhi finished, looking around at the empty room, forgetting if Kyoya was even in there in first place.

* * *

What happened in the principals' office (Ravens' idea):

Aki: Hi.

Principal: Don't you have class to go to, kid?

Aki: We're supposed to learn in here?

Principal: (smiles slightly, scolding playfully) Now now, when I was your age I always prioritized two things...education, and avoiding it!

Aki: I also looked up to my best friend a lot. He was a clown. (Both chuckle)

Principal: Ah, was he?

Aki: No, really, he _was_ a clown. He'd go on and on about forcing me to do this! (Juggles pens in a circle)

Principal: Wow! Could you teach me that?


	3. Chapter 3

The next day for Yukis' second day at Ouran Academy, he arrived not by helicopter nor by boat, but by stretcher as his two favorite butler and maid carried him into his class. He was sleeping on the stretcher, complete with blanket, pillow and pink teddy bear. The maid, a beauty named Amaya, and the handsome Butler named Kosuke lowered Yuki onto his chair as he snoozed and shoved food down his throat, put his bag near his chair, saluted the sensei and left. Then suddenly the butler came running back, put the pink teddy bear near Yuki's face and then left again. Yuki proceeded to cuddle with the teddy causing girls to coo slightly, not wanting to wake him up. _  
_

Something told Sensei it would be bad to try to wake Yuki up judging from the Wake-Me-Up-And-I'll-Kill-You aura coming from the boy. However Yuki had woken halfway through the lesson and managed to jot down the right notes from any girl willing to let him copy.

At lunch time Aki sat outside near the gazebo, surrounded by flowers and petals blowing in the breeze, his hair flowing slightly as he relaxed on the bed-like stretcher Amaya and Kosuke held up, making girls sigh and squeal.

"He could've just asked for a recliner chair," muttered Haruhi as she tried not to glare, muttering 'stupid rich bastards' under her breath as she walked, pretending to be playing kick the can. The twins almost hit her in the stomach. "WATCH IT!"

The host club played kick the can on the nice green grass as Tamaki had finally managed to convince them, when suddenly the can flew towards Aki's unknowing head. Shrieks from girls erupted, and cries of "No! Aki-sama! Look out!" were lost in the breeze as the projectile neared Aki in slow motion.

Suddenly the maid let go of her end of the stretcher, causing the can to fly above Aki's head, and the handsome butler ninja kicked it. The maid rose into the air, her cap flying off, kicking her end of the stretcher upwards again, and dived, kick-flipping in midair to cause the can to spin away. She landed hands-first, and instead of falling and breaking her back, she simply cartwheeled back onto her feet, catching her end of the stretcher in time before Aki hit the ground, her cap landing back onto her head.

The butler caught the can with the stretcher, making it bounce back up into his hand. He held his hand out, and waited.

Hikaru made his way forward and accepted it rigidly, staring with his mouth agape at a sleepy Yuki. The host club stared at the beautiful couple of butler and maid, who resumed propping up Aki's stretcher, handing him lemonade, and, in the maids case as she was allergic, sneezing prettily from the rose petals.

_Honestly, how is it even possible to sneeze prettily? _Haruhi wondered curiously. The butler turned towards the frozen host club and frowned.

"What, you want a photo?" the handsome dark haired butler asked as the cute blonde maid giggled behind her hand. After a while Yuki had a nap and the Host Club soon retired to their club room. Yuki awoke to come face to face with an empty courtyard except for a few girls who decided to skip on activities to fawn over him.

Aki walked over to those few pretty young girls, smiling audaciously.

"Hello, my name is Aki Yuki," Yuki said softly, "Do you know where I might find Kyoya-sama?"

Even though Yuki had only know the dark-haired boy for a few hours, he had grown quite fond of him and his pretend niceness or maybe it was his bare tolerance of Yuki and he just wanted to bother him more. Who knows what goes on in that insane head of his. Oh right, Raven and I do. After receiving directions Aki wandered into Music Room 3 and was surprised with a "Welcome!" as rose petals floated around. The 'host club' that was mentioned, was dressed up as samurais and they looked pretty cool actually. Especially with the detachable ponytails. Yuki suddenly wanted one.

Aki opened his mouth to say hi when suddenly a flower petal flew into his mouth and he started to choke. Honey looked startled, having just woken up from a nap, and the rest of the club members looked horrified but none made to move to help him.

"Are you alright?" Kyoya asked, probably not wanting to deal with a lawsuit. Aki was now on the floor, banging his fist against it as he choked, his face turning blue. Suddenly a boy who had been in the back of the room came rushing over and whapped his hand against Yuki's back, and finally he spat out the flower petal.

"Thanks," Yuki said to the boy and he merely smiled. Now Yuki remembered seeing the boy at the courtyard.

"No problem. My name is Fujioka Haruhi. You're Aki Yuki right?" Fujioka said, tilting his head to the side. Yuki felt his face flush for reasons he couldn't identify.

"Yeah, sorry if I'm bothering you guys, I just haven't made any other friends yet..." Yuki said, suddenly embarrassed.

"You're not bothering us," Fujioka said, although the redheaded twins in the back said otherwise with their, "It's a boy... How boring." Two seconds later, the one nearest, having walked up to 'examine the newest addition', to Yuki exclaimed "Ow, my shin!" mysteriously for unknown reasons. Really. Unknown and Yuki had nothing to do with it whatsoever. Really.

"So, what do you guys do here anyway?" Yuki asked, curious.

"Young women come here and chose a host and then we have tea," one of the twins deadpanned. "It's an extremely productive activity."

"Who the hell are you?" Yuki blurted. The twins looked shocked.

"Why Hikaru, this little boy has never heard of us? What a shame..." the one on the left said.

"Indeed Kaoru," the one on the right said as he cupped his twins face in his hand, "What a shame that he has never know such a beauty as yourself,"

"Oh Hikaru..."

"Umm guys, I'm all for yaio and stuff but even I can't handle twincest. You'll only succeed in making me laugh," Yuki blinked.

"All for yaio?" Kyoya asked, raising an eyebrow, "Yuki, forgive me, but are you a homo?"

"Yup!" suddenly everyone in the host club froze and slowly turned to face the handsome boy who looked at them all with an innocent face, as if he couldn't figure out why they all seemed panicked. They all seemed to turn grey and shatter into thousands of tiny pieces.

"...What?!"

"Does that matter?" Yuki asked, slouching a bit as he smirked.

"No, no of course not," Kyoya said, regaining his composure and pushing his glasses up his nose. The Host Club stared. "What, still processing?"

"What do you mean-"

"It doesn't matter?!"

"This is the Host club!"

"And being almost homos is our thing!" the twin red heads shouted, flailing their arms to create emphasis.

"What ever, none of you are my type anyway," Yuki said, flapping a hand causing all the club members to sigh in relief but Kyoya frowned.

"Why not? We have the prince-"

"I know I know, but I'm not into princes or cool people or little boys or silent types or twins," Yuki listed off.

"What about the natural type?" Kyoya asked.

"There's a natural type? Who?" Yuki asked.

"Haruhi is-" Kyoya began but was cut off.

"NO MOMMY! I will not allow my daughter to run around with homos!" Tamaki shouted.

"What wonderful, easily interpreted phrase to start off with," spoke Kaoru.

"Daughter?" Yuki raised an eyebrow. Tamaki paled and began to open his mouth.

"Mommy?" Yuki continued, "What? You have some kind of family complex?"

"Yes, that's it. Exactly," Kyoya nodded. Yuki looked thoughtful, "I see..." then Yuki got up and plopped down onto a couch.

"Hey! What do you think you're doing!" Hikaru demanded, stomping over to the couch on which Yuki sat, "I... Oh my g- AHHHHH PERVERT! GET AWAY GET AWAY!" Hikaru shouted as Yuki got a mischievous twinkle in his eye, cupping Hikarus' face in his hand and made forward as if to kiss him, eyes closed and everything. When Hikaru shouted, suddenly Yuki was picked up by a pair of strong arms and the room went silent. Yuki squirmed around in the hold until he was face to face with his captor. It was a dark-haired silent boy.

"You must be Mori!" Yuki said, reaching out and enthusiastically shaking the silent boys free hand which was the one that wasn't practically groping Yuki. Okay, it wasn't groping, it was holding, but to Yuki it felt like groping but didn't comment on it, "The girls I asked for directions told me all about you! And are the reason I wasn't here half an hour ago but let's not talk about that..." Yuki blathered on and on until Mori had enough and softly stuck the boy on his feet and made to walk away, but found that Yuki kept following him. Mori frowned and put his hand on Yuki's forehead, holding the boy in place but his feet kept moving and he kept talking.

A sweat drop appeared on Moris' face and he turned a helpless face towards Tamaki who jumped to his rescue. Literally.

"Now now Aki-sa-,"

"Call me Yuki, no honorifics. That goes for all of you," Yuki interrupted.

"Now now Yuki, no need to bother Mori-senpai! I know that he's amazing at the martial arts and kendo but that's no need-"

"You can do the martial arts?" Yuki asked, stars shining in his eyes. Mori eyed him warily but nodded. Tamaki face-palmed. This guy had an attention span even shorter than, dare he even think it? Tamaki himself.

"TEACH ME! I'm a green belt already, but still TEACH ME TEACHIE PLEASIES!" Yuki shouted, jumping up and down on the balls of his feet as people began to come into the room.

"Awkward," muttered Kyoya looking at the staring girls.

"NOTHING TO SEE HERE!" Tamaki waved his arms frantically, knowing no amount of charm would wipe off their weirded-out how-can-I-unsee-the-seen faces.

Finally Honey came to Mori's rescue, clutching Usa-Chan in one fist as the other rubbed tiredly at his left eye causing girls to coo and to momentarily distract them.

"My brother Chika-chan can teach you, Yui-chan! He's very good at the martial arts," Honey nodded. Now Yuki turned to him, "Really?!"

"Yup!" Honey smiled cutely.

"Yay!" Yuki shouted clapping his hands. "Wait," he frowned suddenly, "Where do I meet him?" he asked.

"You can do to the dojo just over-" Honey then proceeded to give Yuki very thorough directions, as if he could get lost. Well, then again, it IS Yuki we're talking about here...

"Got it," Yuki nodded firmly before he sprinted out of the room. "AMAYA! KOSUKE!"

"WAIT! CHIKA-CHAN PROBABLY ISN'T EVEN AT THE DOJO YET!" Honey shouted after him, but Yuki didn't hear. However Yuki is very loyal and ended up sitting outside for the dojo for an hour before a boy showed up, all dolled up in his uniform.

"Are you who Honey-senpai said was 'Chika-chan'?" Yuki demanded. The boy who Yuki just realized was incredibly cute nodded, looking irritated. He adjusted his glasses.

"Can you teach me martial arts?" Yuki asked, clenching his fists as his eyes sparkled as he took the cute boy in.

"How long have you been sitting here?" Chika demanded.

"About an hour," Yuki replied sheepishly. "Well...61 minutes, 56 seconds...57...58...59..."

"...Good dedication... I _suppose_ I can teach you..." Chika hesitated.

"YAY!" shouted Yuki, as he proceeded to do an elaborate happy dance which consisted of many, many pelvic thrusts.

"Just... never do that dance you just did. Ever again... Ever," Chika shuddered. Yuki grinned and stuck out his hand.

"Deal,"

And this was the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

"...Ever, ever again."

_`Don't worry, this won't turn into a yaio, just some shameless boy-admiring on Yukis' part.`_-Ella


	4. Chapter 4

_All taekwondo knowledge is from my own classes and I'm only a yellow belt, so I don't know much. All you taekwondo masters out there, please give me some more information. Thanks. -Ella.  
_

_P.S Images of Aki before and after his haircut are on our profile. The before one shows Aki with his brown hair and then the after shows Aki with his blonde.  
_

_For the after picture, you have to scroll down to the second picture of a boy on that site because there are a lot of pictures on there and it won't just allow me to only show you that one. **Also, the after picture is also the title page of this story.** _

_**ALSO: Not everything is what it seems. Let me repeat something. There is no yaio and there will never be yaio. It may seem like it, but I promise you, you'll learn why it's NOT yaio in a few more chapters. I suppose I kinda spoiled the surprise but I don't want to lose any yaio-hating readers.  
**_

_**-Ella.**_

"I'm*cough cough gag* exhausted. Can we *cough gag cough* stop?" Aki wheezed out during his intense training session with Chika. Chika had barely broken a sweat and looked at ease whereas Yuki was coughing and wheezing and sweating buckets.

"No," Chika said merely, "One..."

"Kyah!,"Aki stepped out with his left foot and punched with his left hand.

"Two," Aki did a low block on his left side, "One," Aki did a low block on his other side. "Two," Aki punched using his other fist, "One," Aki did a middle block, left side,"Two," middle block with other arm, "One," High block, left side, "Two," Other sided high block, "One, two," High punch left and high punch right.

"Kyah!"

"Good job, I see you got the star block. Although I am curious, I though you were a green belt, how come you didn't already know this?" Chika asked. Aki flushed, "My sensei took it easy since I've been in taekwondo ever since I was five,"

"I see, and how old are you now?" Chika asked.

"Eig-Fifteen," Aki answered, his face turning redder from embarrassment.

"And you're only a green belt? Did you take any breaks perhaps? You should have at least been a purple belt by now!" Chika exclaimed.

"Stop making fun of me you jerk," Yuki mumbled, looking downwards.

"No,"

"You're mean. No wonder you don't have a girlfriend. I bet you haven't even had your first kiss yet." Yuki scowled.

Chika's face turned a light shade of pink, "I have no use for girlfriends."

Yukis' face turned mischievous.

"I'll take that as you haven't had your first kiss yet. Mine," Yuki declared before he pushed Chika against a wall. Yuki knew he had to do this quickly or else Chika would throw him across the room.

"What are you- mfffmp!" Chika exclaimed as Yuki, being taller than Chika by an inch, tilted his chin up and kissed him. It lasted for five seconds and just as Chika was beginning to relax, he remembered that this was NOT a girl he was kissing and Yuki went flying across the dojo.

"Ah," Yuki said, rubbing his jaw and getting up from the now broken bookshelf as he had broken it when he flew into it. Now that he was up, he fixed Chika with a surprised stare, "Are you sure you haven't kissed anyone before? 'Cause that was pretty damn good. Can we do it again? Without me flying across the room this time?"

Chikas' eye twitched, "Get out,"

"What?" Yuki asked, still a little dazed.

"GET OUT! AND IF YOU TRY TO COME BACK IN I'LL SICK EVERY SINGLE PERSON WHO HAS PUT ONE FOOT IN THIS DOJO ON YOUR ASS! AND THAT INCLUDES MY BROTHER!" Chika yelled, completely flustered and not in control of himself. Yuki held his hands up, "I'm goin' I'm goin', geez," Yuki said before exiting the dojo. As he stood there in the cold, shivering, he decided that he would go home for the meantime and come up with some idea that'll get him back in the dojo. Oh! Got one. Now if he could lay his hands on a flamethrower, thirteen Barbie dolls, and a live T-Rex...

So he called his limo and the driver, nicknamed Tomo, drove him home to his apartment. I bet you were expecting me to say mansion didn't you? Well, you were WRONG.

So anyway, Yuki walked into his apartment and saw Kosuke with Amaya backed against the wall. Immediately they jumped apart.

"I apologize Master Yuki," Kosuke said, bowing as Amaya curtseyed in apology.

"It's fine." Yuki waved a hand and walked into his rather small room with a twin sized bed in the corner, some bookshelves, a window, a door, a closet and a desk. Then the walls were covered with images of people he'd met and been friends with. He quickly changed into his favorite designer t-shirt and jeans and slipped on a pair of nice white socks. He sat down on the floor for a bit in silence, deep in thought.

"I heard that!" Yuki spoke suddenly, pointing his finger at a picture of a laughing person. "I assure you, I do not have a concussion! Contrary to your status in a matter of seconds! I don't care if you are his inanimate spitting-well, laughing-image! DIIIIEEEE!" Yuki yelled before charging at the image at the wall and roundhouse kicking it. He merely managed to put a hole through the thin wall.

"Damn it. Your poster is as annoying as you are in real life Ajay," Yuki said, groaning and holding onto his now throbbing foot as he glared at the poster of his always laughing agent.

"That's always nice to hear," a very familiar voice said in English behind him. No, contrary to what you think, it was not Ajay. It was Yukis' father, "Now I have proof that Ajay isn't taking over my role as a father," Yuki turned around and threw himself into his fathers arms like a child, "DADDY! When did you get here?" Yuki said as he took a step back and gave his father a quick look over. His fathers' dyed brown hair had been dyed yet again, to a nice platinum blonde that went nicely with his now stormy grey eyes as he also switched contact colors a whole lot. Yuki stiffened, "Do I have to dye my hair again too?" Honestly, Yuki couldn't even remember his real hair color.

"Of course!" Yukis' father, whose name was Richard. He hadn't bother to change it to a Japanese one to save all the Japanese folks the trouble with his name like Yuki had. In fact, Richard couldn't even speak Japanese. "To your personal hairdresser AWAY!" Richard declared as he dragged his son to the other side of the apartment. It was a rather large apartment and it had lots of small to medium sized rooms. If I had to guess, I would say there were around forty eight rooms in total, counting all bedrooms, washrooms, bathrooms, kitchens, living rooms, family rooms, etc. Explanation: Yuki owned the entire apartment building.

Yuki grimaced as his hair was washed and cut into a new, more fashionable style and dyed a blonde matching his fathers. Once the hairdresser finished and took the apron like thingy he had placed on Yuki to keep his designer clothes hair free, off Yuki finally stood up and stretched, he was getting quite used to this. Yukis' father changed hair styles, colours and eye colours pretty much every week and had Yuki do the same ever since Yuki turned 10 and was old enough, by his fathers standards at least, to dye his hair for the first time. The first time it was scarlet colored and he had bangs parted to the sides. This time his hair was platinum blonde, he had spiky hair and it was in the whole 'yankee' style I suppose if I had to describe it. The typical cool manga boy hair cut.

His hair before was longer than what it was now and it was parted to the right. And it was brown.

Yuki thought he didn't look half bad. He was a bit shorter than the average boy and this haircut made him seem taller. He had a handsome face, but if you look at it closely, it was sort of gender neutral but he had a make up artist 'fix it up' a little bit every morning to, y'know, make him look more masculine.

"Now we look the same again!" Richard said in English, grinning at his son who smiled meekly back. He wondered what everyone at Ouran would say to his new hairstyle. Tamaki would probably go ballistic, given that he thinks Yuki was already trying to steal his life, the blonde hair would probably send Tamaki to the mental hospital. Yuki smirked, No one else would probably care too much. The teachers would probably give him disappointed stares, the principal would be overjoyed, given that he himself was a blonde. Chika would probably...

Oh yeah, Chika had kicked him out of the dojo.

"Sorry dad, I have to go scheme. See ya!" Yuki said in English before sprinting into his room and bolting it before he pulled out a bunch of markers and sheets of paper and began to scheme.

* * *

SCHEME NUMBER ONE!

Dramatically save Chika from a killer.

"Okay, you have to go there and take this," Yuki ordered, handing the man he had hired a knife, "Now, don't hurt him, but pretend you will. Then I'll come in and hit you on the head and you have to pretend to pass out okay?"

"Okay," the man nodded obediently.

"Then Chika will be ever so thankful that he'll beg me to come back to the dojo!" Yuki declared, eyes shining. The man rolled his eyes behind his ski mask and did as he was told.

"Give me your money!" the man shouted as Chika walked by, Yuki hid behind a pillar and watched, waiting for his cue. Suddenly Chika smirked, a dark aura surrounding him.

Within five seconds flat the man was on his back, bleeding as Yuki gapped. An ambulance took the man away and Yuki absently went with them to pay the mans hospital fees. It was his fault after all, but WOW Chika was HOT when he was mad.

* * *

SCHEME NUMBER TWO!

Threaten to commit suicide if he doesn't allow Yuki back into the dojo.

"Chika will be so moved by my dedication and he'll want to save my life so he'll have to let me back into the dojo!" Yuki told Amaya while he bounced up and down. Amaya just shook her head and took her place within the shadows with Kosuke, watching to see if anything went wrong. Yuki had just stuck his 'suicide note' in Chikas' locker. Chika arrived at the top of the school building at the correct time just as Yuki had predicted. Yuki adopted a sad but serious expression on his face.

"Let me back in the dojo or I'll do it! I'll really do it!" Yuki shouted, standing at the edge of the building as Chika watched emotionlessly.

"Go ahead. I'll pay for your funeral as a consolation to your parents," Chika waved a hand before walking away. Yuki watched him go, sweat dropping.

Well, that failed.

* * *

SCHEME NUMBER THREE!

Yuki was getting desperate so Scheme three was threatening to blow up the dojo with Honey and Chika inside it. He waited until the brothers were inside before the doors slammed shut and locked thanks to Yukis' tech team.

"Chika, I am completely serious," Yuki spoke into his microphone, "Either let me back into the dojo or I will blow it up. You have five seconds," Yuki said before laughing hysterically. Suddenly he notices he's missing his remote to activate the dynamite.

"Looking for this?" a smooth voice says before it's handed to him.

"Ah yes, thank you!" Yuki said brightly as he accepted the remote before he froze and slowly turned to be face to face with Chika and behind him, Honey.

"Why are you being mean to my brother Yui-Chan?" Honey asked threateningly, a dark aura surrounding him. Faced with two angry boys who could squash him like a bug, Yuki did what any sensible person would do in that moment.

He screamed like a little girl and bolted, leaving Amaya and Kosuke to calm down the two brothers using any means necessary.

* * *

Yuki fell gasping onto his bed. He had run all the way back to his house.

"I give up," he groaned into his pillow.

"Giving up so easily?" Richard mused as he watched his son. He was given the whole story by Kosuke who insisted that Yuki should at least tell his father what was going on.

"Yup. If I continue, Honey or Chika or both will kill me,"

"Have you even tried apologizing?" Richard asked. Yuki sat up, "Apologizing? That's mad... So mad that it just might work. Thanks dad!" Yuki shouted as he ran out again. Richard just shook his head and retired into his bedroom for the day. They were so not paying him enough for this. Not that they paid him at all to be a dad.

* * *

"CHIKA!" Yuki yelled as he burst into Chikas' classroom. The classroom went silent as everyone turned to watch the handsome blonde foreigner.

"What do you want _now_? And what happened to your hair?" Chika growled out, snapping his pencil in half. Yuki noticed and quickly handed him another. Chika muttered his thanks.

Yuki kneeled down by Chikas' desk and propped his chin onto the desk as he stared into Chikas' eyes through his eyelids, ignoring the second question,"I'm really sorry, for everything," Yuki said, aiming for the seductive I'm-A-Bad-Boy-Please-Punish-Me approach, his eyes wide and sad looking, "I really hope you can forgive me," The class held its breath as they eavesdropped. Will Chika forgive the boy who looks like a very willing uke? Who is the boy anyway? How did they know each other? Why am I asking all these questions?

Chika sighed, "Fine, I forgive you,"

"Yay!" Yuki shouted.

"But on one condition. Never do that again," Chika said, staring at Yuki as if to dare him to ask 'Do what?'

"Never kiss you again unless you're willing. Got it!" Yuki nodded before running out of the classroom, leaving the classroom in shits and giggles and Chika to sweatdrop. Honestly, did Yuki really HAVE to mention that he kissed Chika forcefully in front of all his classmates? Chikas face turned red and he buried his face onto his desk and groaned in irritation.

* * *

Yuki and Chika walked to the dojo, both holding ice cream cones. Chika hated sweets but allowed himself this one only as he was symbolically accepting Yukis' apology.

"Chika?" Yuki said, stopping. Chika turned around and saw Yuki staring at him.

"What?" he asked, self-consciously. Yuki licked his lips.

"Can-can I kiss you? Just this last time to get it out of my system," Yuki pleaded. Chika stared at him, a steely resolve shining in his eyes, he opened his mouth to say 'no' when Yuki turned on the puppy dog eyes to full force. Chika felt his resolve fade away into oblivion as he stared at the older boy.

"Fine," he allowed, "But just this once," Yuki nodded eagerly and just a split second before their lips met, a screeching sound met their ears and they both turned to see a speeding car heading towards a toddler who was walking onto the street to get her ball.

Before Yuki even knew it, he had let go of his ice cream cone, pushed away a surprised Chika and was running towards the terrified and now crying child. Five seconds.

Just a little more! Yuki pushed himself to run faster.

Four seconds.

Come on, come on!

Three seconds.

Almost there!

Two seconds.

His hands reached for the little girl.

One second.

The ice cream Yuki had thrown into the air in his rush hit the floor with a _**SPLAT.**_


	5. Chapter 5

THUNK!

There was a sickening crunch as the car collided with Akis' side as he pulled the girl close by him so it was him who took all the damage as he used his body to keep the small girl safe. Yuki opened an eye. Everything hurt and there was something scarlet splattered all over the ground. The girl was softly weeping in his arms and touching his face. Yuki wanted to smile and reassure her that he was perfectly fine, but he found he couldn't move. Shock, maybe? He didn't know how much time went by as he lay there, motionless and the girl wept, all he heard was screaming from pedestrians', Chika yelling at them and flashing lights. Aki was annoyed. His head hurt, so why couldn't they turned the damned lights OFF? Stupids idiots... Even the voice of an angry and worried Chika couldn't make the pain go away...Finally a police man along with a person in a white lab coat kneeled by him.

A doctor? Maybe they were here to make sure the girl was alright. Yuki hoped she was.

Behind them were two people standing with a stretcher. The doctor asked him questions in a soft voice as he put a temporary stop to all the blood by binding Yukis' wounds. Yuki didn't notice. His vision was blurry and his mouth kept moving automatically as he answered. Yes it hurt. Yes his vision was blurry. No the girl was not his sister. Is that enough questions, or do you want my criminal records too?

"Son, give 'er to me. I'll take good care of her. You go with the nice doctor now, okay?" The police officer said, reaching out to the girl.

"Here you go," Aki said dazed as he handed the crying young girl to the police man. The child reached out to Yuki, crying harder. She was soaked in blood but she didn't seem to be harmed. Where was the blood coming from? Yuki felt strange. Very dizzy and there was blood all over... Was the girl okay? Why was the doctor looking at him like he was worried? What was there to be worried over? The girl was perfectly fine as far as Yuki could see. Was there something wrong with her?

Why did it hurt so damn much?!

The doctor stuck a needle in his arm after the other two men helped Yuki onto the stretcher and into the ambulance. Chika climbed in, he was saying something but Yuki couldn't hear. His eyes were glued to the police officer. Slowly, feeling began to return to him, meaning he could move again, but that also meant he could feel much more than he could before.

"Take go-" Aki spat out something metally and gross tasting. He wondered briefly if he was drunk, "Good care of her okay? Or I'll *cough* beat you up! Yeah..." Aki said, raising a fist up weakly before there was a sharp pain and he sucked in a deep breath and then he was surrounded by a soft darkness.

* * *

Yuki opened an eye and grimaced, why did it have to be so damn BRIGHT?

"You're awake," a voice commented. Yuki opened his other eye and squinted at the woman. A nurse?

"You've been asleep for two weeks, three days, four hours, twenty six minutes and around forty two seconds," The black haired nurse read off a piece of paper, "Would you like some water?" she asked. Yuki opened his mouth to answer, but no sound came out so he settled for nodding which made his head throb like hell.

"A young girl named Aiko-chan and her mother came to visit you a total of six times. They left you some packages," the nurse gestured to the 'Thank You' cards, several of them, chocolates, get well cards, flowers and a whole lot of stuff.

"Your father came to visit you a total of eight times, along with your maid and butler who came a total of seven times. Some people who claimed to be friends of yours also dropped by many... MANY times and I would appreciate it greatly if you would tell the blonde one to stop flirting with the nurses, but anyway-" there was a sudden beep noise and the nurse pulled out a small red device and held it to her ear.

"Are there statistics to how many hairs are on top of my head, too?" Yuki grumbled. The nurse merely smiled mysteriously at him.

"Yes? Yes of course..." she put the device against her bosom. "The aforementioned 'friends' of yours are here right now. Permission to let them in?" the nurse asked, a mischievous smirk on her thin lips. Yuki smiled weakly, "Permission granted."

"Let them in," The nurse said to the device before putting it away, going as if to leave, came back, ruffled his hair and said, "Good bye kiddo," and then exited the room.

"I'm sorry..." Yuki heard the nurse say solemnly in the hallway, "But he didn't make it..." There were several gasps. Yuki suppressed a guffaw with some difficulty.

The door opened to reveal the host club, Chika and some other little black haired dude that kinda looked like Honey and Moris' child, however scary that may be. Scratch that, how the heck is that even possible? Yuki quickly pretended to still be unconscious.

"Seeing as Yuki nobly saved a young girl, sacrificing himself in the process, let us have a moment of silence to honor his memory," Tamaki said softly. There was a silence.

"Okay, then. That's done, let's blow this Popsicle stand!" Hikaru, or was it Kaoru? declared. There were quiet declarations matching theirs from the rest of the hosts, except for one.

"Stop it," Fujioka ordered, the air around her going dark, "Aki Yuki is dead. Died. Does that mean anything to you?" Yuki then decided that this little joke was going much too far.

"Huh? Whose dead?" He asked groggily as he sat up, "And who trampled on my head when I was sleeping?"

Cries of "YUKI!" and "YUI-CHAN!" erupted immediately. Yukis' eyes zeroed in on, no not the blushing to the roots of his hair Chika, but Tamaki the crazy gazelle boy. There was a loose thread hanging on his pants.

"Tamaki, come here for a second," Yuki gestured, not taking his eye of the offending piece of thread that was annoying him greatly.

"Yes?" Tamaki asked as he walked over, the rest of the hosts looking confused. Yukis' hand shot out and pulled the thread off of Tamakis' pants. Time seemed to freeze and then Tamakis' pants fell down. Yukis' eyebrow shot into his fringe, "Wha-?" he looked at the 'thread' in his hand.

It wasn't thread. It was a very, very, almost extremely thin belt.

"So...um...should we cancel the call to the undertaker?" Asked the twins.

"Oops?" Yuki asked dumbly.

"YYYYYYYYYYYYYUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU UUUUUUKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKIII IIIIIIIIIII!"

...

"No need to get all dramatic Tamaki. The world didn't end, your pants just fell down," Yuki deadpanned.

"They didn't fall! You pulled them! First you take my friends! Then my hair! Now you humiliate me!" Tamaki sobbed in his corner, growing mushrooms.

"SENPAI! STOP GROWING MUSHROOMS IN OTHER PEOPLE'S RESTING PLACES!" Haruhi yelled.

Yuki scowled, "Don't you dare make any work for Amaya or Kosuke. I actually like them."

"Are you implying that you dislike all your other maids and butlers?" Kyoya asked, his glasses glinting brightly and hiding his eyes from view. Yuki looked thoughtful, "No, it means that I hate every other human being on Earth,"

"Even me, Yui-chan?" Honey stepped out, tears in his eyes as he trembled, clutching his Usa-Chan.

"Even you Honey, even you."

"What about the rest of the male population?" Kyoya asked.

"Let's just say a select few wouldn't be killed slowly and painfully if I were to rule the world," replied Yuki. "They'd have to do a lot keep that honor, though."

"No pressure," the nurse said pleasantly from outside the room.

_'I THINK, that there will be no more 'implied' yaio in other chapters. Maybe, dunno, no promises. I bet most of you figure out why it's not really yaio didn't you? Smart rascals! Hehe!' -Ella__. _

_'I'm editing so slow, a granny could pass me in a wheelchair. Oh-we're not spouting out dumb quotations about editing? WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?'-Raven. Don't ask. I'm eating healthy stuff and I think it's having an effect on me._


	6. Chapter 6

"Sign here. And you're done," spoke the nurse, gathering Yuki's release papers which he had to sign himself since his wonderful father had fallen asleep on the sky train, and called across half the country about forgetting to release his precious child from the hospital. "Key being _precious_," muttered the nurse. Yuki pretended to glare but inwardly laughed.

"You know, if you were serving under me, I'd nominate you head servant," he spoke.

"Really? Why thank you! I'd love to," spoke the nurse. "Thank you...Sir."

"Please call me My Liege," spoke Yuki. He sat up in all his unclothedness.

"Do you need anything, My Liege? Food? Drink? A ride? ...Clothes?"

"Nope!" spoke Yuki as he marched out in all his glory, then five minutes later was brought back sulking by two officials in lab coats who marched simultaneously and creepily.

"Isn't streaking illegal, My Liege?" the nurse asked.

"Apparently it is," he spoke, glaring at the two officials who were muttering something about the mental hospital, transportation fees and the prices of straitjackets nowadays. "YOU IDIOTS! I'LL HAVE YOUR LIVER AND KIDNEY FOR MY FOIE GRAS AND SWEETBREAD TOMORROW! KOSUKE! AMAYA!"

"Yes, Master," spoke two voices simultaneously as a scary, tall figure with a hunched back and many appendages emerged from the shadows. The shadow separated, revealing a handsome young butler and a beautiful maid.

"May I have the honors?" Kosuke asked.

"Yes, Kosuke," replied Yuki. Kosuke chased the officials out, performing odd ninja moves and causing several people to believe there was a murderer in Yuki's room. Either that, or Yuki was a horrible, horrible singer. Surprisingly more people went with the latter. Oh, if only they knew...

"YOU FORGOT THE MEAT CLEAVER!" Yuki yelled, waving it over his head. The nurse wondered where he had gotten it from and where the maid had disappeared to.

"Remind me not to accept jobs from random rich brats," spoke the nurse, shuddering.

"Aye," replied Yuki solemnly.

"What was the meat cleaver for?" the nurse asked curiously as she eyed it. There was a strange crimson stain tinting it and then Yuki hid it from sight.

"Noooooothing," Yuki replied innocently, eyes wide and everything.

"Sure I believe you," replied the nurse. "If I am right to assume, there will be more paperwork to allow you out denying any transportation to the asylum, to show there was no brain damage, cerebrum loss, or concussions and that you were like this before you were hit and it's not our fault. Or genes with faulty cerebrum," spoke the nurse, walking over to the shelf.

"UGH Kill me now..." muttered Yuki. So he finally got through all that paperwork and went home. He ate some ramen noodles and dressed in a pair of jeans and T-shirt with a jean jacket.

"I'm bored," Yuki muttered as he lay on his bed and stared at the ceiling, trying to rid himself of the sound of Kosuke and Amaya going at it in the next room,"Ajay, entertain me," he commanded the poster but nothing happened, "Bastard, I said entertain me!" but the image of the laughing brown haired man did not change, "YOUR FIRED!" Yuki said, throwing his shoe at the poster, causing the hole in the wall to open up again.

"Seriously, is this going to become some habit-?" Kosuke muttered as he took advantage of the distraction and kicked Amaya in the face. Don't look at me like that, they were sparring! What did you _think _they were doing ? Anyway, Yuki hurriedly pushed his bookcase in front of the hole and sat down on his bed, facing the poster.

"My bad, I forgot you were a poster. You know what? You're no fun. Imma go bother Tamaki," Yuki declared and Googled Tamaki online and found where he lived. He pulled on his sneakers and walked over with Amaya and Kosuke at his tail, their clothing badly crumpled. A maid opened the door, "Yes?" she eyed the maid and butler behind him uneasily.

"Is Tamaki here?" Yuki asked, peeking behind her. She shook her head and shut the door. "How rude," Yuki sniffed and decided to walk to Ouran.

When he arrived at Ouran Academy he immediately went to Music Room Number Three. At first the doors opened and swirling petals blinded him, making him sneeze, and causing the petals to enter his opened mouth. He gagged unceremoniously.

"Oh my dear, accept this apology from the bottom of my heart-Let me give you the Kiss of Life," spoke Tamaki, walking towards Yuki and bending down to clasp his face. Once they realized what he was doing, both jumped back screaming "KYOYA!" "MOMMY!"

"Already back, I see," spoke Kyoya. "Are you sure you registered at the right hospital? After all, there is a mental hospital not far from the one you were taken to-"

"Jeez dude, when there's blood flowing from your head you don't need to be picky," spoke Yuki. Tamaki shuddered, trying to comfort Haruhi (How is that even logical?) and ending up with a disheveled dress. It was supposedly a Greek toga cosplay, and he was Hercules, but oh well, Yuki called it a dress. The Host Club was quite interesting. Right then and there, still covered in bandages, Yuki decided he was going to join.

"How do you enter this club, anyways?" Yuki asked casually, knowing there was no way in hell Tamaki would let him in willingly.

"Well, you sign some paperwork, read five hundred volumes on The Art of Charm and Gentlemanliness-" Tamaki tried to make it sound most boring and painful. He walked in front of Haruhi to protect him, as he knew what came next. However that was a mistake considering what happened to his toga. A couple seconds and he looked like some Greek slob who just sat around eating yogurt.

"PAPERWORK? Aw man! How did Haruhi get in, anyways?" Yuki demanded, "He's a commoner! He don't know shit about paperwork!"

"I broke a Renaissance Vase," replied Haruhi, rolling his eyes and muttering, "Rich bastards," under his breath.

"Well then..." Yuki walked around the room slowly and deliberately pushing vases and costly paintings to the floor. "...My bad! Oh no! Whatever shall I do?" he pushed a particularly heavy painting down and walked towards a vase, "I have broken so many costly paintings and vases! However shall I pay for it all?" he pushed the vase down and sat down heavily, looking mock deep in though.

"You could easily pay for all of that and it wouldn't even dent your fortune," Kyoya pointed out. Yuki ignored him and continued to fake mope. When they still didn't look convinced he said, "Let me in or I'll break even more stuff, " still a no go, "Let me in or I'll pay for Haruhi to be let out!" Immediately there was a change. Yuki knew he was in.

Tamaki turned, bangs shielding his face dangerously. Then the glowing devil eye glint which most of the host club had used at least once vanished.

"You're in," he whispered, trembling. Yuki did another slightly disturbing happy dance. "If you want to be a host instead of a servant, don't ever soil the Host Club with that dance ever again...".

"Master!" yelled Amaya who entered the room before quickly kneeling before him. "Your brother is expecting you! He has sent you a letter of his arrival from-"

"Brother?" Everyone except Tamaki and Yuki asked.

"Euuuurgh..." Tamaki briefly wrote the words MY WILL on a sheet of paper before fainting. Afterall, anyone related to that THING would have to be just as if not even more so disturbing.

"What?" Yuki asked softly, his blonde bangs covering his eyes as he shook with rage, "THAT BROWN HEADED BIMBO! HE KNOWS HE'LL RUIN EVERYTHING IF HE COMES HERE! Amaya! Send the S.W.A.T team after his plane! Blow it up for all I care, just don't let him into Japan!" The Host Club looked slightly happier. If Yuki hated him, the brother couldn't be all that bad right ? But then again, Yuki did say that he hated everyone...

"But he's already here," Amaya whispered and then vanished and the host club doors opened once again and the Host Club held their breath as a sneaker entered the room...

There stood a tall, handsome boy. He shielded his eyes from a glow coming from unknown source. He had green eyes and brown hair slowly flowing in another breeze from an unknown source. His eyes glowed. He looked like Aki before the whole hair-dyeing thing, only in a slightly more mature, and dramatic. He wore a hoodie, a sweatshirt and jeans.

"He stole my technique," mouthed Mori apathetically.

"Hi-" began the boy at the door.

"GET OUT!" Yuki yelled, tackling him so that they flew by in slow-mo out of the door.

There came a muffled, "*BEEP* my life" from the door, also in slow-mo.

**Sorry for the long wait! - Ella.**


	7. Chapter 7

**Most of the credit for this chapter goes to Raven because I'm a lazy asshole. -Ella;$ P.S This chapter will be a bit confusing because you will finally be learning a bit more about Yuki and Noel Cassidy and how it really ties in. Also, Ajay looks kinda like Matt from Death Note except his hair is scarlet red and he doesn't wear goggles. Google search him.  
**

Aki sat up, dusting himself off and murmuring darkly. There seemed to be little evil spirits with Aki's face swirling in the air. Tamaki and the Host Club looked down and backed away slowly, narrowly avoiding the evil swarm of _doom. _

"I can't move! It feels as If I'm being held down!" Aki's mature version complained, being held down by Aki's evil spirit/demon/bat/things.

"Stop being such a baby," Aki grumbled. "This-is-Tamaki-Mori-Fujioka Haruhi-Honey-Tweedledee and Tweedledum-"

"WHAT NOW?"

"-And this idiot you are beholding is a prime species of ignorormus nosy-stalking-problem-us. Or Aki Daichi. AWAY!"

"I'm called Daichi now? I thought my name was-" He was quickly interrupted by Yuki slamming his hand down onto Daichis' face.

He pulled Daichi by the arm violently. Daichi moaned and screeched unceremoniously on the floor, with Aki covering his mouth with his hand. A couple teachers stared, wondering if they were watching an attempted murderer or just a strange weirdo as they saw Aki dragging a screaming boy into the men's room and hearing the words "MURDER! MURDER! ATTEMPTED ASSASSINATION! WEIRDO!" come from within one of the stalls.

The Host Club slowly shuffled itself to listen to one of the stalls. Whispers and the occasional tortured scream erupted from within, as well as the frequent words "Let me write my will first!"

* * *

"What the heck are you doing dressed like that, and what about Noel-"

"Yes, she is gone temporarily and no matter what you do or say you will not have a chance to speak, see, or reveal HER to the public."

"But Noel-"

"UNDERSTAND THAT? And call me by my name. Yuki Aki."

"Sure _Yuki_," Daichi replied mockingly as Yuki scowled. "What are you planning to do about the money plan?"

"I'm executing it right now. In fact, I should execute you too!" Yuki said as he pulled out a butter knife which Daichi grabbed and flushed down the toilet.

"Yes Yuki-Kun," purred Daichi.

"Don't treat me like a sissy like you always do!" Yuki scowled.

"Can't blame me..." Daichi smirked.

* * *

The Host Club who was trying to eavesdrop only heard garbled nonsense and the name Noel being shouted. Haruhi turned to face Tamaki whose eyes were glittering and had his hands clasped in a pitying position. Uh-oh.

"Such an emotional brotherly rivalry! Two men of equal blood, fighting each other over a young maiden named Noel! He has covered his passion with pretense for liking of the male gender, and tries to get rid of his brother by blowing up his plane-" Wait,_ what?_

"Uh, Tamaki-" Kyoya spoke.

"The elder has claimed first right to her so he laughs and treats him as his inferior!"

"Senpai-" Haruhi spoke, with the twins right behind her, gesturing wildly and trying to catch his attention. Haruhi turned to glare at Hikaru when he imitated Tamaki.

"However the younger, jealous, in return, kidnaps the young maiden and they are-"

"Tamaki!" The entire Host Club yelled. Aki and Daichi were watching and glaring at them.

"Blow up is a code word for land his plane in a bunch of balloons to distract him! And I genuinely like guys!" Yuki yelled. The Host Club stared harder. Finally Aki broke the contest by lunging forwards. Everyone ran out and smacked into a blonde girl who looked around wildly.

"A girl?.." grunted Tamaki. "Alright, what now? There's another Aki Brother waiting for us outside, he's a multimillionaire, a famous actor and pop singer in America, and he's outside waiting for us to step outside, greet him, and he's in his private jet?"

"No, but there's this really cute girl and she's extremely rich too! Plus she's looking for Aki-Sama!"

"And I happen to be a multimillionaire pop singer in America! Sadly I don't have a private jet though," Daichi said, rubbing his face where a bruise was forming as he had slammed his head against the bathroom stall trying to flee from his 'sister/brother/person'.

Tamaki groaned and started to make a hole in the ground while saying "Woof."

"I think he's trying to bury himself," Haruhi spoke. Kyoya rolled his eyes and tugged a screaming Tamaki. The teachers and their students glanced at them as they passed by, wondering if they were seeing someone being dragged involuntarily to meet some 'Aki sister mutation'.

Suddenly the doors to the entrance opened with a flurry of lilac, hydrangea, and rose petals. In the middle was the silhouette of an airborne young girl flying, almost as if held aloft, with her arms spread and her figure flying across.

Wait. Why is the shape getting clear and near?

The entire Host Club ended up on the ground.

"YUKI-SAN!" screeched a voice. A girl stood in front of them, with long blonde hair and a strangely large chest. She didn't seem to have quite a touch for buttoning up or corsets and her skirt was completely ruffled, as well as her long blonde hair tangled instead of like the precariously combed and admired tresses of other girls.

"A-A-Ay-" Yuki began, stuttering, then the girl covered his mouth angrily, grappling with him. The two argued and made introductions as 'Natsumi'. She turned and saw Daichi and Yuki arguing and fighting.

"STOP BOTHERING YUKI YOU JERK!" she screeched in a strangely manly voice.

"Whatever," Daichi replied leaning on Aki's head.

"GIMME YOUR ADDRESS SO I CAN KICK YOUR BUTT YOU *BEEP* *BEEPING* BEEP!" 'Natsumi' swore like a sailor. (Gosh! Think of the nonexistent children!)

"I'll be sleeping in the same house as Yuki, so go kick my butt there," Daichi replied.

"YOU-!"

"I'm h-OW! His brother," Daichi replied, jerking his elbow away from Yuki's head.

There was an awkward silence as the girl turned and suddenly yanked on Yuki's arms. The teachers covered their ears as they heard Yuki screaming there was a lunatic weirdo in a skirt about to abuse him.

"Wasn't the men's room the other way?" Haruhi asked.

"If I remember that is a closet," Tamaki replied. A disgruntled Yuki and Natsumi left the closet and went into Music Room 3 coincidentally. The Host Club shrugged and went in after them. Aki and the girl were arguing, then engaged in a glaring contest, collapsed and then faced each other defiantly and dramatically. There was silence and they didn't seem to see the Host Club enter their club room.

"Okay, I seriously feel sorry for girls now, these boobs are HEAVY DAMNIT!" the girl yelled randomly.

"Can-can I," Aki gestured weakly. She rolled her eyes, "Go ahead, it's not like I'm a woman anyway so I don't care. They're fake." Aki suddenly reached over and squeezed Ages' chest before shrieking and jumping back that he had been electrocuted.

"Omigod, I just touched a womans' boobies, omigod they felt real. Omigod..." Aki said, turning white. She stared at her own boobies and poked them with a finger and watched them jiggle. "Yes, they're quite squishy aren't they?"

"Lemme see," Aki said as he grabbed one before nodding, "Very squishy."

The Host Club is gaping like fish, staring in horror.

"D-did they...?" Tamaki gurgled.

"Yeah they just-" Hikaru spoke, wideeyed.

"Poked them-" Kaoru finished.

"We-we're-" Haruhi stuttered, confused.

"N-no we're not-" Kyoya said.

"Look the other way, Mitsukuni..." Mori said apathetically.

"Let me get this-so..." Honey sputtered.

"Yes..." Mori said.

"Usa-Chan said his eyes just died." Honey whispered.

"He's not alone." Hikaru murmured.

"I did-" Haruhi garbled out.

"Yes, you-" Tamaki cleared his throat.

Kyoya cleared his throat, impassively tapping his glasses. He spoke in a voice that was absolutely dripping in sarcasm, "Well this isn't awkward at all."

"Oh. Hi Kyoya," Yuki said, unashamed.

"What's going on?" Tamaki demanded. Yuki took a deep breath.

"I have a brother whose famous and a pop star and rich and he came to stalk me after he found out about the whole car incident and then this," he jabbed a thumb at 'Natsumi,' "is actually a _guy _thank you very much and my agent who likes disguises also know as the laughing boy wonder, Ajay,"

"Howdy," Ajay said, tipping an imaginary hat. Yuki stared at him, "Get rid of the boobs, I can't take you seriously when you're in drag,"

"Got it boss," Ajay said before he swaggered to the change rooms.

"Whose Noel?" Hikaru asked.

"Noel Cassidy the international popstar. She went missing and my brother had a crush on her. I've been looking for her," Yuki quickly covered up, with a slight sign of frustration. The Host Club let out 'Oohh!s' and 'I get it now!'s. Kyoya narrowed his eyes.

Time went by and Ajay said his goodbyes and left taking a furious Daichi with him. Yuki let out a sigh of relief which Tamaki took to be a sigh of regret and a lot of stuff happened but it was mainly all just bullshit.

* * *

Time Skip.

Yuki was in Music Room 3 when it happened. He saw _her._ The one. He knew it but didn't know how he knew. He watched, entranced as she swayed in the wind, dancing ever so beautifully. Yuki swallowed nervously as he walked over to her. She was tall and graceful. The Host Club stared at him, wondering what the heck was going on.

Yuki didn't mind. After all, he had found his reason for being.

He walked over to her, trying not to frighten her with his presence. He reached a hand out and touched her arm, she was cool to the touch and never stopped her beautiful dance.

Her name, he had to know her name. He attempted to ask her in a sexy drawl, "What's your name?" She offered her arm to him silently and on that arm was a name tag and off of it he read...

**Ooh! Just who is this mystery woman? Tune in next time to find out! -Ella;$**

**Sorry for the long wait, usually there's a ten days pause until we update, I know it'll come earlier next time, why am I failing and trying to rhyme? Probably trying to make amends for the missing chapter woefully craven.-Raven**


	8. Chapter 8

_Livistona Chinensis_, Yuki read off of the tag.

"What the heck are you doing? You're creeping us staring at that palm tree," Hikaru and Kaoru spoke.

"Can't a man take inspiration for a hula dance in peace?" Yuki asked, miffed.

"Hula-"

"Dance," the twins gaped. Their jaws hit the ground and they were haunted with highly disturbing images of Yuki twirling around with a flower in his hair, wearing a coconut bra and a grass skirt.

"I'm wondering if it should be hula haole or hula kahiko-what the heck are you doing? You have to be ON THE SEA to be seasick," Yuki yelled at the twins who were gagging and rolling over, half-laughing to death, half-deeply disgusted. He glared and his swarm of mini-demons descended upon them, paralyzing them and acting as _kanashibari, _little demons who inability to move was generally blamed upon.

"There's something really heavy on my chest..." Hikaru gasped.

In case you don't get it, it was an April Fools prank, making you think Yuki fell for a girl when in reality he was just staring at a tree...

* * *

**Time Skip**

* * *

Ella stepped onto the stage and winced as the light shone into her eyes. The light dimmed a bit and Ella held up a thumbs up before clearing her throat, "Okay, so I understand that last chapter many of our readers were confused so these are the things we found out last chapter all broken down:

Yuki has an older brother. The name of the older brother is currently unknown and is referred to as 'Daichi'. 'Daichi' is a popular male singer back in America and so is very rich. He came to see his younger brother after Yuki was hit by a car.

Yuki has an agent named Ajay. Ajay enjoys to go undercover which is why he was crossdressing as a big breasted female. He called himself 'Natsumi' last chapter and came to see Yuki because of the accident Yuki had gotten into. "I can't take you seriously when you're in drag," Yuki to Ajay.

Daichi and Ajay have met but Ajay has a really terrible memory which is why he's always grinning, cause he's a fricking idiot. Daichi recognized Ajay but didn't know about his memory problems, thus his less than kind reaction.

Daichi and Ajay went back to America a little while later after seeing Yuki because they didn't want to compromise the 'money plan' which you will learn about later.

If you have any other questions, just PM us or leave a review, either Raven or I will get back to you, see ya!" Ella smiled, waved and stepped off the stage and into the sweeping darkness.

* * *

Yuki stared across the table at Honey and Mori. Honey lifted his fork and took another bite of his third, fourth cake. He chewed happily and constantly, with Usa-Chan next to him. Yuki stared at Usa-Chan. Usa-Chan stared back. Yuki squinted, narrowing his eyes with each passing second. Drops of sweat beaded on his forehead. Usa-Chan just stared.

"You win this round," growled Yuki. Honey looked up smiling.

"Yui-Chan. Would you like some cake?"

"Um, sure, whatever," Yuki replied, distracted. His clients exclaimed "Oh! Yuki-sama is so cool and handsome!" while giggling and trying to catch his attention. He winked and smiled, placing the fork between his teeth like a rose. Then he offered the cake, with the fork between his teeth, to one of his clients, as though he was going to feed it to her. She blushed madly when the image of both of them biting onto one end of the fork romantically appeared in her head. Yuki winked, and swiveled the fork, biting down on the cake and drawing back.

It took a moment while his face was blank, chewing absentmindedly. He stared across the table at Honey.

There was whole cake lying between them two seconds ago. They ate it so quickly, almost fearing the other would eat more than them. The contest continued. Moon cakes with egg and lotus root centers, millefeuilles, petit fours, German chocolate cake, white cake, cakes topped with pink frosting, fondant, little sugar roses, maraschino cherries, whipped cream, glitter and chocolate curls. Finally it stopped when there was nothing more than one small piece topped with blueberries, raspberries, and a large strawberry. The girls imagined a scene where Yuki and Honey slowly edged their way towards the strawberry, and shared it smiling. Yeah right. And then Tamaki and Nekozawa will skip in fields of flowers and sunshine singing about rainbows...

It all happened rather swiftly, but to the girls it was in slo-mo. Each side cheered for their hero, and suddenly Yuki flashed his most charming smile. He cut the cake and toppings cleanly in half. With a swipe in the air he had removed the berries, and pressed his hand against Honey's side of the plate. Like a teeter-totter the plate flipped, and the cake piece splattered on Mori's face. Honey and Mori stared paralyzed. Yuki simply smiled and popped the berries, one by one, with the strawberry last, into his mouth. Red berry juice leaked from a corner of his mouth, making him briefly look like a vampire with no weird canine teeth. He wiped it with a napkin and smiled. The fangirls too were speechless, and all of a sudden they burst with a loud squeal.

"Yuki-san eating cake is so cool!" "Yuki-senpai, please accept this cake I have!"

"It's nothing," Yuki proclaimed, offering Mori the same napkin he used to wipe his mouth for his face. Mori and Honey simultaneously jerked backwards, and Honey somehow climbed all the way on top of Mori's cake-covered head, and two of them magically appeared at other side of the room. The cake flew off in bits, sprinkling Tamaki.

"Seriously?" He muttered, cleaning off his uniform. "Why me? Why now?" In the background Mori and Honey were avoiding Renge trying to clean them off, running back and forth with her yelling "GET BACK HERE!"

Haruhi facepalmed. Rich idiots...

For the rest of the week Yuki slowly got addicted to cake. Kosuke and Amaya had begun to always carry some with them. Though this sounds like a minor luxury, it was seriously dignity-degrading for Amaye and Kosuke. You are in the middle of finishing off your opponent when your master calls you because he has cravings for some strawberry shortcake. Urgh, how humiliating!

"This is scary," Tamaki spoke.

"I doubt Chika is happy with this considering how he dealt with it last time," Honey spoke.

"Considering he is your brother he should cope rather well-" Tamaki began, just when the doors flew open revealing an angry Chika.

"I AM NOT COPING WELL WITH THIS AT ALL! EVEN IF MY BROTHER IS LIKE THIS!" Chika yelled. From the looks of it he had rushed all the way from the dojo. "THIS IS NOT GOOD FOR HIS HEALTH!" Tamaki dropped to the floor.

"NO MUSHROOMS!" Haruhi yelled.

While all this happened, nobody knew what was going to come would be more unexpected and unwanted than an angry Chika.

"Suzuran, Hinagiku?"

"Yes Benibara-sama?" The Lady of the Lily and the Daisy asked the Lady of the Crimson Rose.

"You should have the handcuffs, the chains, and the hotline to the Child Abuse Society, right? That poor maiden..."

"Well, I have the Ichigo Daycare's number...will it do?"

"...Forget it."

The trio shrugged it off and pirouetted towards Ouran Academy, clearing a path through the crowd. They spun and jumped, with chenêt turns and grand-jetés. Suddenly something made them all pivot into a landing position. That something was the backside of Yuki Aki, eating cake and whistling. Benibara motioned to Suzuran and Hinagiku. Suzuran understood it first. With a flurry of flowing, long blonde hair, she crouched to the floor, putting a hand down, and sprung forwards in some ballet split-jump. As she flew with her hair trailing behind her, Yuki swerved a corner, whistling, as Suzuran only managed to turn in the air to make sure her face wasn't the first thing to make impact with the wall. Yuki heard her slam, and thus the tempo of the tune he whistled began to grow faster and livelier.

Benibara straightened herself up from the launch position Suzuran was using. She clasped her hands in front of her properly, and stood up straight. She walked gracefully and fast enough, nodding like a queen saluting her people, acting ladylike yet catching on Yuki. Hinagiku and Suzuran contiued to twirl and do arabesques behind her, like some background dancers. Yuki reached the doors to Music Room 3. However without hesitating he passed them, not wanting his connection away. Suzuran and Hinagiku sprung forward at the same time. He had to make his move soon. He reached a spiral staircase and did a suicide jump down it.

"Hm," Benibara turned and went down an adjoining corridor, with Suzuran and Hinagiku walking ladylike with her as if they'd never pounced and had simply strode all along.

Yuki had done a trick he wasn't sure how he managed. He had dropped his cake plate and fork and leaned towards the sides of the staircase. As he slipped by he caught hold of the railing of the spiraling stairs. Swinging himself inwards, towards the stairs, he dropped safely onto the level directly beneath it. He ran back up once he deemed the coast clear, and listened to the doors, which were swinging slightly as though somebody just entered. There was squabbling and a faint murmur of voices. He heard somebody like Chika screeching something about how he was hoping swell kiss fall with other kiss? Then the sound of Tamaki dropping to the ground in despair.

"NO PLUSH ROOMS!" Haruhi yelled back.

Suddenly he was seized from both sides. His arms were pinned behind his back and he kicked behind him instinctively. There was some long flowing hair in his face, too. Suddenly Tamaki with brown hair in a sailor fuku girl's uniform was in front of him, barring the entrance. _So much for being safe out here_, Conny the voice in his head mumbled.

"Abduction-"

"Complete." The girl, was decidedly NOT Tamaki, reached for him and muttered in his ear.

"Now what may your name be, m-"

"NOT TODAY!" Yuki yelled. The doors opened, knocking the girl into him and causing him to collapse onto his captors. When light was thrown onto the scene, somehow the captors had all managed to shift into dignity-preserving positions, in certain positions as if it were a "Save-Face-By-Saying-Tada!" moment. Which, incidentally, IT WAS. They all had oustretched arms as if introducing or presenting Yuki. Wow. His captors knew how to teleport. The Ouran Host Club grabbed Yuki and slammed the door onto the Zuka Club. Just then Yuki opened it and glared at Benibara. The weird creepy demon swarm of mini-Yuki devils swam at her. However instead of paralyzing her, they stopped when she captured one of them.

"Join the Zuka Club," she smirked, "Or else...I'll adore this from the bottom of my heart, nuzzle it, love it, and use it like a pillow."

"WHAT!" Yuki screeched, absolutely horrified. "NOOOOOOO!" It took a lot of energy to get the demon back, but it was sufficient to say creepy mini-demons didn't faze Benibara.

A couple days later, the Ouran Host Club started to get really anxious. Yuki, who was addicted to cake, was starting to develop his own layer of...fat. In other words, this dude don't really attract the ladies anymore. They all cried and whimpered over how handsome he used to be, and Haruhi defended him but ran away from him when he offered a "thank-you hug." Tamaki ran to his daughter, and the saddest part is he didn't recognize Yuki. Kyoya, Hikaru, and Kaoru tried to get him out of it, but all shuddered and even Kyoya looked mildly worried when Yuki replied to their attempts.

Just then the Zuka Club decided to strike.

"Josei!" they all declared, wearing costumes with sequins, jewel-like buttons and plumes, with Hinagiku saluting and carrying a flag with the Kanji for Woman on it. Yuki looked up, wearing a cowboy hat, and immediately smoothed it back down. He had for some reason participated in the Western cosplay even though due to his...status, he could clearly not charm ladies tonight. Benibara lifted his face with a finger, bending down primly.

"Clearly there's no need aiming for you," she frowned, slightly disgusted and wiping her finger before fainting onto a couch Hinagiku pushed up. Suzuran came up out of nowhere randomly with a peacock feather fan, and began to fan her. Suddenly Benibara was up and smiling prettily, which was actually a hidddn evil smile. "However you..." She pointed at Haruhi. Tamaki yelled "No! My daughter!" and tried to protect Haruhi, as well as Mori, Honey, Kyoya, Hikaru and Kaoru. However Benibara whisked them all aside, and smiled another hidden evil smile ("That's Kyoya's trademark!" Haruhi thought). She reached for Haruhi's collar, when suddenly Yuki yelled.

"NO! YOU CANNOT TOUCH ME BECAUSE I HAVE BLUBBER! MY BLUBBER WILL PROTECT ME!" He jumped from the death-grips of Suzuran and Hinagiku, lept forwards in slow-mo fending off attackers, and reached to grab Haruhi and jump out the window together. Sadly, he missed. However, what DID happen is that he utterly crushed Benibara.

So the Zuka Club ran out as fast as they could grand-jetê through the pretty-empty hallways. The Ouran Host Club stared across the table at Yuki. Yuki took another bite of his third, fourth cake, with Haruhi by his side. Yuki stared back. Yuki squinted, narrowing his eyes with each passing second. Drops of sweat beaded on his forehead. The Host Club just stared.

"Fine," Tamaki growled. "You win this round."

"Yes?" He smiled innocently. "Would you like some cake?" Immediately all, including Honey declined. He proudly marched towards the doors and got stuck trying to exit. So they rolled him around, like some giant human ball and squeezed him through doors. Eventually they got tired. It took a moment while they were thinking blankly and constantly, but what came next happened swiftly, however to Yuki it was all in slo-mo.

They rolled him through many doors. Tall golden doors, doors with roses carved into them, pink doors and French sliding doors, glass doors and wide doors, narrow doors, recently repaired doors, doors with glitter, wood engravings, windows and lovely frames. Finally they reached the place they would enclose him until he went crazy and tried everything out. The place where each young man would go to change himself and become a strong, manly person. The place where all girls should go to instead of starving themselves.

The dratted, dreaded gymnasium.


	9. Chapter 9

**Sorry for the long wait! Real life kicked me in the ass. Literally, I had a Taekwondo tournament and I only lost once and still ended up getting first place! And I got second place in my forms! :D I have two medals! ... I really have got to stop bragging... Anyway! I is now an orange belt! :D Got it last Sunday. You should all thank Raven, if it wasn't for her I wouldn't have updated for months. Just ask the readers who're still waiting for me to updating on Andy. Haha, I'm such a lazy ass. -Ella;$ **

It was only _4:00_ and already Tamaki Suoh was awake.

How did Kyoya know?

Because of his ***ing ringtone on his phone was announcing that ****ing ******er's existence, obviously! (Yes, people. This is a T-rated story and we're beeping it out. It's that bad. -Raven)

Kyoya rolled over and covered his head with the blankets. The phone persisted. Finally he opened it, and growled into it. On the other end, Tamaki nearly jumped.

"WHAT?"

"She's on TV!" Tamaki screamed excitedly. "Noel Cassidy! That girl who Daichi and Yuki like!"

"BAKA!" Kyoya yelled back. Similar things, though not exactly flattering, were also yelled from the rest of the Host Club. At breakfast, much later, some of the members had a dark killer aura. Almost to the point where you could high pitched dramatic violins when they slowly approached Tamaki.

"They're replaying the video," Tamaki spoke cheerfully. He pointed at the flat screen TV across from him. The twins, looking like zombies, trudged past him and stared at it. It was a horrible, life-scarring video of an old lady on the beach. Hikaru and Kaoru ran for the loo when Honey asked "You woke us up to see that?" His eyes began to glow and Tamaki quickly switched channels.

This video showed a teenage girl with short, rainbow hair walking around, the quality wasn't the best as it was a security camera footage. She turned out to be the missing popstar, Noel Cassidy. She sang a tune under her breath cheerfully which each host vaguely remembered, like a popular song they'd heard on the radio sometime in their life.

"_They say the sky is the limit, don't go higher after you win it_..." Noel sang when suddenly, an explosion was heard, blowing off a bit of the wall and allowing a helicopter to come into sight and descended upon her. A bunch of men in face masks grabbed for her. Noel pulled back into a fighting stance and taunted one in front of her, looking pretty damn badass. He made a punch towards her stomach, she grabbed his leg and swiveled it so it caused a chain reaction-knocking out the dude behind him, then the dude behind him, and so forth. Two ninjas lunged for her simultaneously. She kicked off and apparently did the splits in midair, knocking them out while smoothing her multicolored hair. She lunged for several ninjas behind her, and football-tackled one. While he was out, she grabbed her a rolled up magazine in her back pocket and batted back some more.

Simultaneously, several ninjas jumped at her and grabbed her by the feet. She yelled something which the camera didn't catch, and they pushed her into the helicopter which then flew off into the night, the last sight being Noels' eyes slowly closing as one of the ninjas shoved a cloth onto her face.

"How peculiar," Kyoya commented. "Replay the last part, will you?"

"Of course," Tamaki replied. Noel mouthed something at the cameras again, with an unreadable dramatic look. Kyoya sat puzzling and thinking it over.

"Well, what are you lot looking at?" Yuki asked. "Oh! Breaking News: Missing Popstar. Priceless video. You fans of Noel Cassidy?" He looked expectantly at Tamaki, as if waiting for him to exclaim "_Yes! I have her poster which I glue to a pillow and snuggle up with at __night and I'm trying to get a hold of her DNA to try to clone her!_"

"Nope!" Tamaki answered cheerfully as Yuki fell over as if struck.

"What?! How could you NOT like Noel? She's fabulous! She's modest and sweet and pretty-" Yuki ranted.

"Fan boy, then?" Kyoya asked suspiciously, watching Yukis' face carefully. Yuki sighed dramatically, "_She stole my heart~"_

"Really?" Honey asked, as his eyes widened, "Come on Takashi! We have to go rescue Yukis' heart!" he declared as he began to pull on the tall boy.

"It's a figure of speech," Yuki said flatly.

"Oh."

"Yeah. Oh." Yuki said staring at the boy.

"What's up with you?" Kyoya asked.

"I want to have babies," Yuki commented randomly before bursting into hysterical laughter, "I VANT TO DRINK YOUR BABIES! GEDDIT? GEDDIT? AHAHAHAHA!"

"So, I guess Yukis' finally lost it, eh Kaoru?" Hikaru asked as they reappeared from their hiding spot behind the couch.

"It seem so, Hikaru... It seems to be so," Kaoru said, staring at Yuki like he was some sort of strange animal.

"Who decides who's sane or not anyway? I could be the only sane one here ya know? Haha, you're all insane!" Yuki cackled as he poked Kyoya in the nose, "In-SANE~ WHOA!" Yuki yelled as he was thrown across the room, "You know, the last time that happened, I got a kiss in the beginning."

"I'm sorry, would you like the kiss of death?" Kyoya smiled sadistically. Yukis' eyes widened and he scooted away even further, "Nevermind,"

"That's what I thought."

"I like pie," Yuki commented randomly, the side of his head bleeding mildly from his crash before he passed out.

"... I don't get it," Haruhi said finally after staring at Yuki for a while in silence, "What happened to him?"

"I think it's the after effects of him consuming all of that sugar before," Kyoya said intelligently as he pushed his glasses up his nose. Suddenly the entire host club shifted their gazes from Yuki to Honey, "So... if Honey finally stopped eating sugar..."

"The world shall end," Honey said darkly, chuckling as his bangs covering his eyes. The host club shuddered and Honey smiled cheerfully as he skipped away.

* * *

TIME SKIP

* * *

Yuki strode into the room again. He was carrying many things; shopping bags swung from his arms, cartons and packages were cradled closer to his chest, and a platter of fresh watermelon was precariously balanced above the stack of objects. He reached out, risking the entire load falling, and took a hold of the fork on the platter. He stabbed a piece of watermelon, ate it and chewed blissfully. The host clubs stared at him, standing on practically one foot eating watermelon balanced on top of a threatening-to-fall load of cargo and whatnot.

"What? It's not like I'm carrying it on my head," Yuki glared at them. Suddenly a bowl of fruit appeared on top of his head; pineapples, bananas, grapes and apples. The bowl shifted as Benibara appeared form behind Yuki, jumping and twirling. Suzuran leapt in from windows.

"Wait. This is the third, fourth floor, right?" Haruhi asked. Tamaki freaked out from behind her, jumping and fainting conveniently onto a couch that was just there. Or so he thought. Said couch actually being Hikaru and Kaoru, Tamaki was thrown forwards and bumped into Benibara who was landing her pas de chat.

"What are you doing?" Haruhi asked. Benibara faced her, but the Hitachiin twins grabbed her and stood in front her defiantly like doors.

"Well, dear m-" Tamaki acted quickly and yanked Benibara by the ankle. She glared at him, and did a powerful but seemingly delicate kick. Tamaki smashed into the wall and crumpled depressed in a corner. "I see you've regained your form, young m-" She adddressed Yuki, who did the same thing as Tamaki. Instead of flinging him to join Tamaki, she picked Yuki up and bent down. "What is it that is so bad for me to say?" she asked him.

"Everything," he replied. "Now if you excuse me I must-"

"YOU'VE GOT TO BE ONE!" Suzuran and Hinagiku formed a wall before Yuki with intertwined arms and outstretched legs. All of the Host Club froze. Honey and Mori were in fighting stances on each side of Haruhi. Hikaru and Kaoru barred the way in front of her. Kyoya stood behind her, holding his black book. Tamaki walked forward in slow motion from his corner, then stared, gawking at Yuki who looked panicked. Then all of a sudden some emotion dawned onto his face.

_Put Plan A into action! Now!_ Conny yelled inside Yuki's head.

"YOU FOUND OUT ABOUT ME BEING AN ALIEN!" He gasped dramatically. "OH MY GOODNESS DID YOU? DID YOU? DID YOU ALSO FIND OUT I HAVE A PURPLE PET T REX NAMED B-" Yuki tried to sound sugar high.

"No! Enough!" Benibara turned and placed her hand on his mouth, her skirt swishing. "YOU-ARE-ONE! I'VE NEVER BEEN WRONG! I GUESSED WITH FUJIOKA!". Yuki's face changed in realization, then into a triumphant, "So that makes sense!" smile.

"Really? Would one of "them" have this?" Yuki pulled out his belt easily as though he'd gained practice simply from that one time he undid Tamaki's. As the long strip of leather was pulled away, Benibara and Suzuran and Hinagiku blushed and shuddered, pulling each other into a circle.

"S-such contradictory manners," Benibara whispered.

"A-and that," Hinagiku shivered.

"AWAY!" The trio, each holding a hand to her mouth, jumped back out the window. Haruhi forbid Tamaki from taking a picture and labeling it "Suicide Dive".

"You're what, and Haruhi is also what?" Tamaki asked. "Oh wait!" He had a Venn diagram in which he compared Haruhi (prancing by in a bunny suit which turned to an angel halo and wings, cue spotlight/divine holy light from above) and Yuki (some hunchbacked dude with Yuki's poker face and his tongue lolling from his mouth). "You're also a commoner, aren't you?"

"Senpai, no, she meant girl, probably," Hikaru spoke. Realizing what he just said, he gave a very manly high-pitched shriek and backed away from Yuki as if he-or she?-really WAS an alien.

"YOU'RE A GIRL?" Kaoru grabbed Yuki by the chest. Yuki screeched and left away from him yelling "WEIRDO! WEIRDO! I'M BEING FELT UP BY A WEIRDO WHO THINKS I'M A HERMAPHRODITE!"

"Not a hermaphrodite, a full girl!" Kaoru replied, annoyed. "Even if there's nothing, prove you aren't!"

"WHOA, WHOA WAIT! Fujioka is a GIRL?!" Yuki yelled, suddenly putting two and two together. Most of the sentence was covered up by Tamaki for fear other people might hear.

"Prove you are a male," Tamaki spoke. His eyes glowed again, and Yuki stood up defiantly. He stripped, revealing a perfectly toned male chest. Tamaki glowered.

"Is flashing enough for you, or should I streak?"

"IT'S OK! YOU'RE MASCULINE! WE GET IT!" The Host Club scrambled and ran. Mori grabbed Honey and made a mad dash. Tamaki carried Haruhi on piggyback. Hikaru and Kaoru argued over who was to pass through the door first.

"That's what I thought," Yuki smirked triumphantly, parading around in all his splendor.


	10. Chapter 10

"Today," Tamaki said with a flourish, "We will be heading to the beach!"

"Woo! The beach, yeah!" Yuki cheered. Tamaki glared at him.

"We as in the Host Club," Tamaki corrected. Now it was Yukis' turn to glare."I AM in the Host Club idiot," Yuki snapped. Tamaki winced, it was a blow to his pride so he had attempted to forget how Yuki forcibly entered the Club. Evidently it was not the wisest decision.

"This should be interesting," Kyoya spoke. "If you'll excuse me, first I must review your life insurance and modern funeral costs-"

"HAHA! Life insurance! Why would Tamaki need that?" Yuki laughed.

"No, I meant yours. Now let me measure you for a coffin-"

"Yay! We're going to the beach!" The twins cheered as they grabbed Haruhi by the arms and lead her to a room Yuki had never noticed before. Yukis' eyes widened as he noticed it was full of bikinis'. Yuki got up to try and follow but was stopped by Kyoya who started measuring the size of his nostrils.

"What do you need the sizes of that for?" Yuki asked curiously as Kyoya wrote something down in his black book."In case in some event you are torn into pieces beyond recognition." Kyoya deadpanned. Yuki winced, "How... comforting..."

"Haruhi needs a swim suit..." Tamaki muttered.

"We're already on it boss!" The voices of the twins came from that unknown room. Suddenly Haruhi appeared, having broken free of the twins' grasps. She turned to Tamaki with an expression so terrifying that Tamaki paled, "Excuse me? I need _what?_" she uttered.

"Mommy! Haruhi's glaring at her Daddy! Maybe Daddy did something wrong?" Tamaki cried and ran towards Kyoya, wrapping him in a hug. Kyoyas' expression was priceless. Kyoya turned to Yuki, who was laughing, "Say a word and I'm calling Dead People R Us."

"Awww, you two make such a cute pairing!" Yuki exclaimed, clasping his hands and making adorable moe eyes. Sparkles and pink glitter scintillated in the air beside him.

"WHAT?" Kyoya and Tamaki simultaneously jerked away from each other and stared at Yuki incredulously. Tamaki grabbed Yuki by his collar and wailed, "How would one even THINK of pairing _mon ami et moi _together?"

"Well, I wouldn't know," Yuki said looking over his shoulder mysteriously. Seeing Kyoyas' 'Say-Another-Word-And-I-Will-Have-You-Killed' look Yuki held up his hands in a defensive position and backed away.

* * *

**Sometime Later-At the Beach.**

"Yay!" Yuki cried as they arrived at the beach. Immediately he took off towards the water, still fully clothed.

"Yuki aren't you going to wear a swim suit?" Haruhi called.

Suddenly Yuki was back, on one knee before her, clasping one of her hands in both of his, "How sweet it is to know such a fair maiden worries for me. No need for you to worry any longer. I shall change immediately.". He smiled angelically, bathed in the rays of a light which came out of nowhere.

Yuki clapped both his hands, ignoring Haruhis' facepalm and Amaya and Kosuke appeared out of no where. A thick black velvet curtain hid Yuki from view and when it was retracted a bare chested and footed Yuki stood proudly, hands on his hips wearing Pikachu swim shorts.

The Host Club stared, once again, at Yuki's perfect body. Seriously, the body was almost unnatural in its perfection. They quickly recovered however and Kyoya walked back towards the car to grab something. Tamaki began to complain about how that was not appropriate, undignified, and how it would ruin their reputation if he was seen wearing those "Pinch-me" shorts.

Yuki was rolling his eyes and snapping back that Tamaki himself was parading around in only swim shorts as well and how he was a hypocrite and jealous of Yukis' 'sexy body.' And it was PIKACHU DAMMIT, NOT PINCH-ME. Maybe Tamakis' abrupt way of dismissing the fact that he would ever be jealous of Yukis' anything would have been more believable if he hadn't turned bright red. Yuki grinned in victory.

"Pinch me..." Tamaki muttered, wishing it was JUST a nightmare...

"Dear goodness..." Haruhi muttered. "Stupid rich idiots..."

"I'm sorry my Lady feels that way. How are you faring?" Suddenly Yuki was hovering right on Haruhi's right shoulder. She freaked out and stumbled backwards.

"HOW DARE YOU SCARE MY DAUGHTER!" Tamaki yelled as he ran up to them.

"Mhm," Yuki nodded. Haruhi turned to see him leaning on her left shoulder.

"How the heck did you do that?" Hikaru and Kaoru gaped, appearing behind him.

"ACK! OFF!" Haruhi swatted them back and turned around to see Yuki in front of her staring straight into her eyes. "-How-"

"Anything is possible when you are concerned, my beautiful rose," Yuki bent towards Haruhi who slowly shuffled backwards looking immensely creeped out.

"HEY! THAT'S MY LINE! GET YOUR CREEPY WEIRD MUTATED ALIEN HERMAPHRODITE HANDS OFF MY PRECIOUS DAUGHTER!" Tamaki showed up and immediately began beating Yuki up. Yuki, however, began to strike back and soon they were rolling around on the sand, creating a sandstorm.

"-What are we, next door neighbors?" the equally topless Hikaru and Kaoru muttered. Mori, Honey, Hikaru, Kaoru, and Kyoya all sported poker faces of slight discontent. Apparently all it took was a single shirtless Yuki to outshine their shirtless selves. Well, wasn't that wonderful.

"Gah!" Tamaki punched Yuki and sparred with him. "What the heck has Chika been teaching you?"

"YUKI EXTREME KICK OF AWESOMENESS ACTIVATE! YUKI YUKI!" Yuki kicked Tamaki in the face, pushing him aside in the momentum. "Yes!" Yuki said, bleeding from his left lip as he stood up, victorious as Tamaki lay, bloodied and unconscious on the floor. "Now that I have defeated this idiot, we can finally be together my love!" Yuki declared to Haruhi. Suddenly the twins were standing in front of her.

"You'll have to get through us first," Kaoru declared, with his arms crossed. Hikaru nodded as they both gave Yuki an intimidating stare. Yuki smiled darkly, his bangs covering his eyes.

"Very well..." Yuki raised his right hand to the sky and snapped it once. Thunder appeared and the sky suddenly grew dark. Two shadowed figures were seen in the brief flash of thunder and then Kaoru and Hikaru were both on the floor, bound and bloodied. The clouds disappeared and everything was bright again.

"Anyone else?" Yuki demanded. The rest of the host club held up their hands and backed up. Kyoya however, pulled out his cell phone and said, "I have over 4000 soldiers trained and ready for battle. I suggest you let the girl go."

Yuki sighed and finally admitted defeat. Then he smirked and was began to run, grabbing Haruhi by the arm. Haruhi panicked and grabbed the first thing she saw and threw it at him. A cup of Instant Coffee. The liquid splashed onto Yukis' face and into his mouth. His pupils dilated and he immediately let go of Haruhis' arm and proceeded to grab another cup full of the same mixture.

"This is good," he said as he chugged it down, "Do you have anymore?" he asked Haruhi, staring at her with puppy eyes as he held up the now empty cup.

"Umm..." Haruhi stuttered, glancing at the three bloodied boys on the floor. Yuki looked like he just noticed them, "Amaya! Kosuke! Take Tamaki, Hikaru and Kaoru to the house and treat them please." Yuki ordered to the empty air. Two figures appeared, "Yes master," there was a flurry of movement and the three boys and the ninjas were gone and all blood stains were cleaned up.

Three seconds later the three boys were returned, looking perfectly fine. Yuki took another sip of the coffee.

"Mm-" Yuki licked his lips. "Rather tasty. Tell me what this may be, my rose?"

"I-Instant Coffee-" Haruhi stammered, backing away. Yuki turned towards Kyoya.

"Where can I get this marvelous drink?" he asked, eyes twinkling.

"Commoner's supermarket," he replied simply. "Cheaper than the expensive grounds."

"Wonderful!" Yuki exclaimed. "TO THE MARKET! MUSH! MUSH! MU-MMPH!"

"That's enough from you," Tamaki covered his mouth.

"YOU CANNOT HOLD ME BACK!"

"There's a line between bold, and a restraining order. Hope you can find a good lawyer!"


	11. Chapter 11

Over the next few days Yuki had managed to buy a few thousand Instant Coffee packages and refused to drink anything else. Okay, that's a lie, Yuki didn't do shit, Amaya and Kosuke had to buy AND walk around with them in case Yuki had a sudden craving.

"I'm starting to feel worried about him-" Haruhi muttered as she eyed Yukis' bouncing frame.

"It'll blow away! We'll just take him to the gymasium, and-" Tamaki insisted.

"Tamaki, he isn't going to grow overweight. This is liquid." Haruhi said.

"Then we'll go purge him in the-Oh. Awkward." Tamaki stopped talking and cringed as the mental images struck.

"He's a bit hyper, don't you think?" Haruhi commented as Yuki literally bounced off the walls.

Tamaki nodded. Suddenly Yuki shot right towards them. Tamaki yelped and pushed Haruhi to the floor with him and Yuki went flying just over their heads. Tamaki suddenly sat up, "That's it! He's become a danger to my daughter safety! We. Must. Do. Something!"

"First the cake, now this... Did he say you daughter, or yours?" Kyoya remarked. "On the brighter side, I have new merchandise for the Host Club to support the club and Yukis' new craving."

"What is it?" Kaoru asked warily.

"Pictures of the alien hermaphrodite weirdo mutant without a shirt." Kyoya said simply. Yes, even Kyoya was fed up with Yukis' strangeness. Or he was jealous of Yukis' sexiness. Either way, he DID actually say that.

"Never mind the merchandise! Yuki keeps scaring away the customers with his hyperness! If this keeps up, we'll have no one to sell anything to!" Hikaru snapped.

Kyoya immediately pushed his glasses up his nose and they glinted rather dangerously, "We must do something."

"Yeah, but what?" Honey asked.

"We brought him from there like this. We're taking him back like this." Kyoya said finally.

"NO! NOT THE BEACH! WHO KNOWS WHAT ELSE HE'LL GET ADDICTED TO?" Images of Yuki dancing around gobbling random stuff appeared in Tamaki's head.

"If worst comes to worst we'll buy him a therapist," Kyoya said firmly.

"Maybe if he just relaxes somewhere he'll stop craving it," Honey suggested hopefully.

"Mh," Mori grunted when everyone looked to him for ideas.

"Seriously, people?" Hikaru and Kaoru groaned. "We're here, you know."

"Do you have any ideas?" Haruhi asked them.

"No," the twins admitted.

"Then don't bother us," Haruhi said frostily. The twins gawked at her in surprise.

"Awe! You're soo cute when you're angry!" The twins and Tamaki cooed. Haruhi glared, "Can't you be serious for once in your life? This is seriously affect Yuki you know?"

Tamaki stiffened and muttered something under his breath that Haruhi didn't quite catch. "What?" she asked.

"I said, he deserves it for how he treated you at the beach," Tamaki mumbled, clenching his fists.

"Senpai, I think it's sweet that you're angry for me," she started and Tamaki smiled, "But you don't need to be. Trust me, I'm pretty angry myself but I can't hit him when he's like this because let's face it," everyone turned to look at the bouncing Yuki, "He looks pathetic right now."

There was a silence...

"Maybe we could have him drink water-" Honey suggested again. "That, you can drink for a lifetime without worries."

"You couldn't get that alien to drink water unless you drowned him in it," Hikaru said bored. "OH WAIT-DEAR NO..."

"Challenge...considered," Tamaki smiled evilly/beautifully/with rose petals in the background.

"Tamaki..." Haruhi threw him a warning look.

"What? I was only considering it! Not like I was actually going to do it!" he protested before muttering, "In front of you anyway," under his breath.

"I heard that!" Haruhi scowled.

* * *

"Yuuuuki-kun! We're going to have a little swim in a-a commoner's inflatable boat!"

"It's a vinyl pool," Haruhi facepalmed again.

"WE'RE GOING TO SWIM IN A COMMONER'S VINE POOL!" Tamaki declared.

"Should I change into my swimsuit, then?" Yuki lifted his shirt above his head.

"NOOOOOOO NOT HERE!" It was unknown who screeched this, but immediately Kyoya, Mori, Hikaru, Kaoru and Honey carted him off to somewhere else to strip.

They came back in a little bit to see Tamaki gaping incredulously as Haruhi filled the pool with water.

"It's so small!" Tamaki said, "How can we all fit in there?"

"We can't," Haruhi facepalmed, "This is for Yuki."

"Sweet!" Yuki said so fast that they didn't even know what he had said before jumping into the pool like a rabid squirrel. Immediately there was a splash and some of the water entered Yukis' mouth. He swallowed and his expression changed abruptly.

"What is this?" he asked as he cupped some of the water in his hands.

"It's just regular tap water." Haruhi said.

"It's... delicious..." Yuki said in wonder, "Do you have more? I'd rather drink some that I haven't bathed in,"

"Yes, I have a lot," Haruhi said as she led Yuki inside, still dripping wet.

Suddenly, Honey slipped and fell into the pool, "AHHHHH!" and began to drown since it was a rather large vinyl pool.

"Senpai! Save him!" Haruhi ran towards the pool and made to dive in when she was restricted by Yuki. He smiled at her, then grabbed took out a thermos from who knows where (You really don't want to know where). He emptied its murky brown contents into the pool. Mori ran at full speed but slipped on the watery deck and scraped himself.

"HOW'S THAT HELPING?" Tamaki roared, trying to dive in. Yuki took out a straw and began to drink the pool's contents. He gulped and at the bottom was Honey looking like a dehydrated, shocked fish. Mori stepped in and took Honey out.

"Plegh, that tasted ho-rri-ble," Yuki spat.

"I saw an old lady with a disgusting raw fish in here before we were. Maybe the fish made it bitter-"

"You're saying it's the fish's fault?" Kyoya asked her doubtfully.

"AAAAH! SWEET INSTANT COFFEE!" Yuki sighed. Everyone looked alarmed. "Haha, just kidding! It tasted horrid. Honey doesn't taste like honey at all. Also, the water tasted fine before Honey was dumped into it. The fish is innocent, it's Honeys' fault."

Everyone glared at him. Hikaru and Kaoru drew their arms back.

"-What?"


	12. Chapter 12

"Ahem," Tamaki cleared his throat. "All present? Mitsukuni Haninoszuka!"

"Present!" Honey declared cheerfully from his chair, his face covered adorably in cake.

"Takashi Mo-"

"We're here. All except for Aki Yuki," Kaoru deadpanned as he stared down Tamaki.

"It has come to our attention that-" Kyoya began, trying to sound professional.

"THAT BRAT HAS BEEN TRYING TO CORRUPT MY PRECIOUS DAUGHTER!" Tamaki yelled furiously as his face turned red. Haruhi facepalmed.

"Agreed!" Honey puffed out his chest. "Usa-Chan and Takashi agree with me! Yui-Chan is not being good to Haru-Chan!"

"Hm. Well stated, Mitsukuni." Mori nodded.

"We could try and-" Hikaru stood up when Kyoya silenced him. "Aw come on! Seriously?"

"I suspect Yuki of being a female!" Kyoya shouted to get himself heard. There was an abrupt silence and he cleared his throat, "And not just any female, but Noel Cassidy herself."

"Ooohhhh," The Host Club stared at him, appalled and surprised.

"And just how did you get to this conclusion?" Hikaru asked.

"Yukis' body. It's too perfect, anyone notice?" Kyoya asked. The boys all nodded and Haruhi rolled her eyes but kept silent, "So perfect that I did some research and it's nearly identical to the one the Science lab had managed to created a few weeks before Noel Cassidys' disappearance. They took someones' skin cells and multiplied them by the millions to create the shell of a human body, like a skin tight suit. Not to mention the Lobellia girls agree with me and they've never been wrong before,"

Tamaki paled, after all, he had had a fist fight with said supposed female last chapter. He was too gentlemanly and so he felt guilty.

"I also have noticed that a certain large amount of money disappeared from Noel Cassidy's bank account. _The exact amount paid at the laboratory_. Her disappearance happened to be filmed conveniently in a random place. Now, that random place happened to be not far away from the science laboratory. A couple hours prior to the disappearance, Aki Yuki signed up for a term at Ouran Academy. An extra amount of money, which I assume was to pay for school tuition and such, equally vanished from her other bank account. The other three bank accounts have not been touched."

"How would you know this? Do you go around hacking into random bank accounts?" Tamaki asked accusingly.

"Says the owner of this club of costumed idiots," Kyoya replied briskly closing his laptop through which he had been showing them graphs, files, and photos of Noel Cassidy.

"Notice her hair color will often alter along with her father's. Here she has dark hair, now it is light. Over here it is an auburn, now black. On the exact dates are pictures of her father, with various hairstyles quite similar-though of a more masculine touch. Now, I am not sure who Yuki's father is, but after looking up Yuki's ancestry I have stumbled across several candidates. Noel's father is obviously on the list. Look at his most recent change in hairstyle." Kyoya pressed a key on his pineapple laptop, revealing a picture of a smiling man with the same, blond hairstyle as Yuki, "Not to mention Yukis' brother looks suspiciously similar to Noels' brother. I have installed several security cameras in strategic areas in Yuki's appartment. Though yes, we may see useless film shots, I suggest we view the footage and try to see what can be seen."

"But Noel had rainbow colored hair for the longest time before she disappeared," Tamaki said.

"It was most likely to throw us off the track. Now I suggestive we take a look at the footage," Kyoya said dismissively.

"And hopefully not see what must not be seen," the twins shuddered.

"I didn't install a camera _there_," Kyoya pushed his glasses up his nose, but it was clear that he was appalled. "If you do not wish a chance to-"

"Tallyho! It's off to spy on Yuki we go!" Hikaru and Kaoru smiled exaggeratedly, trying to avoid the glowing glasses of doom.

Kyoya nodded, and sat down on a pink velvet couch. He tapped a couple more keys on his laptop and several different perspectives from inside of the apartments that Yuki owned appeared on the screen and he turned the laptop around in his lap to show them.

"I have been careful to install the best angles in Yuki's room. Now, as you can see-"

"AAAAAAAH!" Hikaru, Kaoru, Haruhi and Tamaki yelled. Honey fell off of Mori's shoulders, and even Mori looked mildly alarmed. Kyoya nodded calmly as if he were listening to a symphony.

"I'm scarred for life," Kaoru whimpered.

"As you can see, the regular household life does not have a schedule. Meals in the morning are not formal nor are they set at any similar times, though the general pattern is 8:00 to 9:00. Lunch is roughly around 12:30. Dinner is always set at 5:30. This alternates around the weekends. Yuki spends most of his time in his room."

"Doing what?" Haruhi asked, bored.

"Ogling and talking to a poster," Kyoya replied.

"Ewwwww!"

"He generally will punch a hole through the wall where the poster is, as I have noticed through a close examination of a snapshot of the wall. It's a poster of his friend Ajay. Or his agent as he was referred to I suppose," Kyoya stated.

"Wonder why?" Kaoru snorted as Hikaru nodded, "I guess he doesn't like him as much as he should..."

"Also, for some reason both his maid and his butler never appeared on any of the cameras whatsoever which seems suspicious as whenever Yuki asks for a glass of water, it magically appears next to him with neither the maid or butler in sight."

The Host Club shuddered. The maid and butler were both very beautiful/handsome but the way they were kind of scared them. Like Nekozawa.

"Now. I am hoping to catch footage of him potentially-"

"Oh my goodness. Of him doing what? Parading around in a skirt? With a convenient breeze? He'd do that just to drive us crazy if he wanted to. And wouldn't he notice the camera?" Hikaru gasped, wincing.

"Ah-here he comes," Kyoya spoke calmly.

"K-Kyoya senpai, he'd not going to...do anything weird or disturbing...you know, be himself, right?" Haruhi asked.

"This is Yuki we're talking about, and in his most familiar quarters. They haven't yet invented a word for what he _does_ in here."

With the entire Host Club watching, Yuki sat down in front of his computer and began to scroll through YouTube videos. He stared as one popped up. It read, '10 Hours of Caramell English Caramelldansen'. He stood up and dusted himself off.

"CHALLENGE ACCEPTED." Yuki declared.

"What's he going to do? Put on a kilt and perform a jig to the bagpipes?" Haruhi whispered.

Yuki pressed Play. Then he began to just randomly dance to the music like an idiot doing various dance moves. In some he was good, and in others just plain terrible. Needless to say, the Host Club cowered occasionally when he did his good old Yuki Happy Dance. However, for the majority of the time he did a dance where he put his hands on his head and sort of flapped them around while moving his hips with gusto side to side rapidly.

"-Da Heck? Kyoya, are you sure this is a _girl? _ You know...with _dignity_ and all that?"

"There must be something...maybe in the music..." Kyoya concentrated, listening. Yuki continued to dance idiotically with a troll face, waving his hands up in the air.

"I'm not watching this for 10 hours," Tamaki declared.


	13. Chapter 13

Suspicious noises were heard backstage, and a murmur came from the crowd of reviewers, followers and guests. Two girls walked onstage, looking proud.

Yuki stormed onto the stage and glared at the two grinning authoresses, "Hey, author people! Aren't you supposed to update?" The two girls glanced at each other before they sighed in unison.

"Well, yes." Raven admitted, "Apologies on our part. While we had the time to write this, we STILL did not continue Manga Life's plot!"

"Yes," Ella interrupted, "Manga Life actually does have a plot, as unlikely as that sounds."

"However," Raven continued as if she had never been interrupted, "While this is just random filler, we have thought up some crack pairings to enjoy or become scarred for life."

Ella drew out a card from thin air, "Alright!" she exclaimed, "Pairing number one is... YUKI/CHIKA!"

…

"How did that end up as "crack pairing"?" Raven asked suspiciously.

Ella gave a sheepish grin, "Well, this is my only chance to have us use it as a pairing, crack or not...I took it."

Tamaki Suoh then walked by, holding a sign that said: One moment please, as we set the stage.

Yuki made to walk off, scratched the back of his head and turned back, "Er... what were my lines again?" The two girls face palmed in unison before Raven gave him a copy of the script and Ella shoved him off the stage.

"Roll cameras... and... ACTION!" Ella shouted and the two girls disappeared into the shadows as the play began.

Yuki walked onto the stage, and cried, "CHIKA! I NEED YOUUUU!" rather dramatically. Chika then walked in wearing a frilly pink dress with a matching bow in his hair, "Oh hahaha!" Chika laughed sarcastically, "How funny... I HATE YOU!" he yelled.

"Aww! Chika-chaan!" Yuki cooed with moe eyes, "You look so cutee!"

Chika blushed as he stammered, "Er...umm... It's KUN! IT'S CHIKA-KUN!"

"But," Yuki pouted, "Chika-chaaan is soo much cuter!"

"I have a sudden urge to jump off of a cliff," Chika grumbled.

"Noo!" Yuki exclaimed, "DON'T DO THAT! You look so cute!" he cooed as glitter and roses surrounded Chika and a refreshing fragrance blew around him.

(Meanwhile, in the Author's Booth)

Raven was laughing hysterically and pointing at the two idiots while Ella crossed between laughing and fangirling.

"We need some popcorn," Raven said thoughtfully. Ella lazily handed her a bucket.

"How- you know what? I'm not going to ask," Raven said before she glared at the boys through the window in the booth, "YO! ACT MORE IN LOVE, IDIOT!" and threw some of the popcorn at the window.

"NOO!" Ella cried, "The popcorn... the beautiful popcorn... it DIED!" she shrieked as she pointed at the fallen pieces.

(Onstage)

"LET ME OFF THE RIDE, I'M DYING INSIDE!" Chika pleaded.

"BUT CHIKA-CHAAN!" Yuki sang annoyingly. "I'll miss you if you leave!"

"Dagnabbit, what happened to those days when an angry mob with flaming torches and pitchforks would get rid of your stalker?" Chika moaned.

"I... don't know," Yuki said, looking near tears, "I'M SORRY MY LOVE, MY DEAREST, MY-"

"Shut up!" Chika performed some intense karate moves on Yuki, who dramatically fainted across the stage, "Ahaha! I have defeated him!" Chika said as he put his foot on Yukis' chest with one hand on his hip and the other raised dramatically above his head, pointing at the ceiling, "GIRL POWER!"

(Meanwhile, in the Author's Booth)

"Cherubs, cherubs, fairies! It's your cue," Raven clapped her hands.

"But we haven't got any!" Tamaki moaned. Raven and Ella turned to each other. Then they turned towards him. The Host Club, Raven and Ella formed a semicircle of conspiratorially glowing eyes. The effect was sort of ruined because Raven was licking a donut, but oh well. "Hehe...whatcha looking it?" Tamaki asked nervously with a dopey grin on his face. They all seemed to transform into scary purple shadows with red eyes as they hovered over him, laughing sadistically.

"KYAHAHAHA!" Raven laughed maniacally, rubbing her hands together.

"You, my daaaarling, shall be a fabulous fairy. THE SHOW MUST GO ON!" Ella declared dramatically.

(Backstage)

"AAARGH! YOU'RE-HEAVY!" Hikaru and Kaoru struggled to pull up Tamaki with a cable pulley.

"HEY! I'M ON A DIET!" Tamaki yelled, offended.

He was dressed in a purple Tinker Bell fairy costume, with golden sparkles and roses. Cradled in his arm was a basket filled with flower petals. However he was not going anywhere. Even with Kyoya, Honey, Hikaru and Kaoru, Tamaki was overpowering all.

Mori walked up, looking quite unimpressed with his trademark poker face. In one yank, he literally sent Tamaki flying.

"YAAAAY! GOOD JOB TAKASHI!" Honey yelled loudly. Mori ran and covered Honey's mouth.

"Mitsukuni, the audience might hear you!" He whispered.

"Wait...where's Tamaki?" Kyoya asked.

"Uh oh..."

(Onstage)

Without any weight on the other end, Tamaki plummeted towards the ground and unceremoniously fell on his bottom. Strangely, not one but two yells of pain were heard. Everyone stared as Tinker Bell, who was male and who showed some unwanted skin due to the costume's structure, shook his head and threw flower petals into the air. They looked down and saw that he had landed on top of Yuki's chest.

"Erm," Tamaki said as he stared at the audience. They stared back. Tamaki stood up and began to sing tonelessly, "I'm a pretty purple fairy, yes I am, a really pretty fairy, for all you men!" He tried to spin, then wobbled and fell over again.

"WOULD YOU WATCH WHO YOU'RE WIPING OUT?" Chika and Yuki yelled, squashed into a pancake of-Yika. Or was it Chuka?

Either way, they were doing a rather good job at imitating pancakes. Tamaki immediately stood up and began doing his fairy dance which was really that weird victory dance Yuki normally does with all the pelvic thrusting but some butt waggling was added in.

(Authors Booth)

"Oh my god," Ella wheezed as she held her stomach, "That idiot totally thought I was serious when I told him to do that,"

Raven looked kind of green in the face but she was laughing as well.

"Well, you _are_ one of the authors, he has to do what you say," Raven commented.

"Of course. If he didn't I would have written him off in the first chapter, saying he got hit by a plane or drowned in soap or something," Ella said offhandedly, "Though it's not like I threatened him with any of that," she smiled innocently.

"I'm gonna pretend to buy that so we can get back to the play." Raven said dryly.

(Onstage)

They had somehow managed to get Tamaki doing his dance in the background as Yuki tried to give Chika some flowers. Unfortunately, Chika kept Yuki away by kicking him in the face.

High heels are quite painful I tell you, I admire Yuki's persistence.

Finally, a bloodied and bruised Yuki who looked like he had just walked through World War III finally managed to get the flowers in Chika's hand. Unfortunately, all the flowers had fallen off and the only thing left was the stems.

"Here," Yuki said nasally, his nose broken, "My gift to you my love, my heart, my-"

"Shut up already," Chika hissed.

"No, no no!" a voice from the authors booth shouted as an angry Ella appeared, "Chika! You're supposed to finally give into your love for Yuki!"

"The only love I have for Yuki is hate!" Chika argued.

"It's. In. The. Script." Ella hissed as the glass of cola in her hand shattered from the pressure. The two males eyed her warily before backing away a couple of steps, "Aaannd! Take 2!" Ella hollered before she disappeared once more.

"Here," Yuki said once again, holding the same, horrible bouquet of flowers, "My gift you to my love, my heart, my sweet darling!"

Chika looked like he very much wanted to throw up, yet he casted a wary look at the general direction of the authors booth and swallowed down the vomit, "Erm… I love you too, my… LINE!"

"Knight in shining armor!" came a voice.

"I love you too my knight in crappy armor."

"Good enough," the same voice grumbled. Suddenly Ella's voice came out of no where, "GET TO THE NEXT SCENE ALREADY!"

Chika swallowed, next scene? Isn't that the one where... Chika turned red as Yuki walked closer, "Oh fu*k this," Chika said as he pulled back his fist and then slammed it onto Yuki's mouth, effectively throwing Yuki off of the stage. Immediately the curtains closed.

(Authors Booth)

"Noo!" Ella sniffled as she heaved great sobs, "The kissing scene! They... they... THEY LEFT IT OUT! NOO!"

Raven just rolled her eyes, "Here, have some Gatorade." Ella immediately snatched it out of her hand and drank it all, not even bothering to thank her. Secretly Raven had schemed with the boys and they had done their part perfectly. Honestly, a Chika/Yuki pairing? Dream on Ella.

THE END. (Of the filler, not the story -Ella;$)


	14. Chapter 14

"Well," Kyoya recovered first from Yuki's unparallelled freaky dancing. "Remind me never to invite him to a formal ballroom dance." The Host Club shuddered at the image of Yuki's embarrassing them by doing his somehow provocative despite being grotesque dance.

"We did not just see Aki Yuki do the...the..." Even Haruhi was at a loss for words. Kyoya help up a hand to silence her, adjusting his glasses.

"We did not. In fact, it's not like I have to remove some nonexistent cameras which I did not install in his bathroom before he makes a show of taking a-"

Music Room Three had never cleared out so quickly before.

**Timeskip**

"So, how are we going to find material if we're not intruding in his personal life?" Tamaki asked.

"Judging by the fact that doing so is too hazardous and dangerous for our sanity, we cannot do that. We're going undercover," Kyoya spoke briskly, closing his laptop.

"How?" Honey asked blankly.

"How hard could stalking Yuki be?" Kyoya shot them an evil smile.

(Five minutes later)

"THIS IS TOO HARD! URGH! PUT ME DOWN, YOU BIG IDIOT! TOO CONSPICUOUS-NOISY-WHY DID I HAVE TO JOIN? WHY THIS STUPID COSTUME, IT'S NOT GOING TO HELP! I REFUSE TO WEAR THIS, AND WAVE AROUND THIS PLASTIC STICK! IT'S A DISGRACE! CURSE YOUR CHILDREN!" People stared as Mori carried both Chika and Honey on his shoulders, one thrashing about wildly.

"We don't have any children!" Honey piped up. Everyone turned towards him. "What are you looking at?" he asked sweetly as the aura around him turned dark. Everyone sweat-dropped and backed off smiling nervously.

The Host Club was geared up in a list of disguises which Tamaki claimed would help them. There was Tamaki, all geared up in a Sherlock Holmes costume, biting down on the end of a bubble pipe. The bubbles seemed to change color according to his moods, and right now pink and yellow bubbles of happiness floated around choking Kyoya, dressed as Watson. Mori and Honey were Batman and Robin, and Hikaru and Kaoru were dressed as ninjas. They sneaked about whispering "nin-nin", appearing randomly hanging upside down or around the corner.

"I thought ninjas were silent," Haruhi muttered. Tamaki had her pointlessly dressed as a girl. She peeked around the corner before walking out, dressed as Black Widow. Tamaki's eyes turned into pink hearts as an image of Haruhi posing provocatively came into his mind. The other members of the Host Club seemed to the see the image, because they sweat-dropped.

"PUT-ME-DOWN!" Chika seemed to be fighting Honey, because there was a spinning dust cloud from which the occasional limb or weapon poked out surrounding Mori's head. Mori shrugged and calmly walked along. "DAGNABBIT!"

"CAREFUL, CHIKA, THAT THING ACTUALLY-" Honey warned. Kyoya and Tamaki started to worry about Mori's head. Really, Host Club? Just now?

"GOLLY GEE IT _DOES_ WORK! MWAHAHA, FEEL MY WRATH, ALIEN!" Jets of red and green light shot out from the dust cloud and left burn marks everywhere. "CRUCIO! AVADA KEDAVRA, CAKE-CHOMPER!" Mori presently fell face first, then Robin and Harry Potter tumbled onto the floor. Yes, Hikaru and Kaoru just wanted to mess around with Haruhi and Chika's look, and you know...

"Why do we have to go undercover?" Hikaru asked, leaning on Tamaki. "Can't we send anyone else?" Tamaki whispered something in his ear, and Hikaru screamed a very manly scream. It doesn't matter if it's high pitched and screechy, it's manly. "OH RIGHT, I forgot Aki has that power..."

They walked up to a fairly large building. Outside was parked a sleek limousine, which they guessed Yuki was in.

"Duck!" Tamaki whispered, pulling the heads of the Host Club down. He violently yanked Kyoya by his collar, who did a face-plant and groaned. Green and purple bubbles began to float out of his pipe, while the Imperial March played as Yuki exited the car.

"He needs his own theme song now?" Kyoya whispered.

"...Please, please, just _one_ Stupefy!" Chika begged Mori who held his head down.

"Thanks, Tomo," Yuki winked and proudly strode to the entrance. He cleared his throat, and the doors opened, then closed immediately after he passed through. Tomo rolled his eyes, muttering something about "the force" before driving away. Kyoya tried the doors, but they remained closed.

"What do we do now?" Honey anxiously asked. Kyoya adjusted his glasses, smirking.

"How do you feel about _la courte echelle?_" Dramatic music played in the background.

"Why are you looking at me?" Honey asked.

A couple minutes later, the Host Club was standing on each others shoulders, while Kyoya hoisted Honey who held a periscope. Honey saw a rather small room with a twin sized bed in the corner, some bookshelves, a window, a door, a closet and a desk. The walls were covered with images that he assumed were of Yuki's friends, with Yuki sitting in a corner picking his filthy-never mind.

"TAP WATER!" Yuki called. Immediately a cup of water appeared in front of him. Honey yelped in shock. How could a fellow rich person actually drink from the water that was so easily and cheaply available? And where the hell did it come from?"WHOA!" Honey cried as Hikaru lost his balance from shock causing Kyoya to stumble and nearly drop Honey who hung on to the window sill for dear life.

"Whose there?" Yuki questioned, his head popping up out of the window. He grinned goofily at the Host Club as another glass of tap water appeared next to him on his window sill.

This time they really _did _fall over in shock.

"Are you guys okayy?" Yuki asked, chugging down the water which was quickly replaced as he leaned far out of the window, dangling as he held onto the sill with only his feet.

Yuki laughed evilly in his head. _'Aw, the Host Club can be so stupidly gullible at times. It's like killing two birds with one stone! The money plan is going smoothly and so is tracking a certain someone... Mwhahahaha! For a bunch of rich people, they are complete dunces. I can probably walk around with my guard down and they won't notice a thing!"_

The Host Club, of course, interpreted Yuki hanging off his windowsill with an evil grin on his face in the wrong way. Or maybe the right way, I dunno, you tell me.

"RUN! HE'S GONNA JUMP OUT AND KILL US ALL! ABORT THE MISSION! ABORT ABORT!" Kaoru yelled as the Host Club, plus a disgruntled Chika dove for the bushes. Yuki stared forlornly after them, dangling uselessly from the window as he reached for them in slow motion with his free hand, the other holding his glass of tap water. Yuki frowned and murmured sadly, "I was only trying to help them... Why do they dislike me so much?"

"They don't dislike you," Amaya said, appearing out of the shadows that were like her second home, "If they disliked you, they would have attempted to have you assassinated like that random King from that random palace, remember? The one who enjoyed belly-dancing and bright clothing? Yeah, him. These idiots are just curious and are covering it up,"

"And you can tell they didn't try to assassinate you because they're still very much alive. And idiotic," Kosuke said, coming up from being Amaya. Yuki stared at them as tears filled his eyes.

"Wait- YOU'RE THE ONES WHO KILLED MR. BRIGHTBELLIES?"


	15. Chapter 15

**Lately I've been going quotes and references crazy. If you go back a couple chapters, you may find another quote which was used by another pair of red-headed twins, and two _Death Note_ references used by me in the random filler chapter. Some quotes are truffled in this chapter and more to come. If you can find them and guess, leave it in a review!-Raven.**

* * *

_"Have you found her Noel?" the man in the shadows asked. The international popstar smiled and put her multicolored hair up in a bun. She turned to the dark corner where she knew the man was standing._

_"Of course. It was difficult in the beginning though. She looked so much like a boy! But," Noel smirked as she winked, "The spider has caught the fly in her trap, and doesn't intend to let her go._"

* * *

"There, there," Amaya patted Yuki's back. "You'll be alright! They like you!"

"B-buuut...they didn't want me to go with them...a-and..." Yuki sniffled.

"Some people have a special way of showing love," Kosuke spoke. "Like how Richard, Daichi and Ajay-"

"STOP!" Yuki groaned. "Can I have more tap water?" He asked.

Kosuke sighed and vanished. An instant later, using his special ninja-butler-speed skills, or maybe he could teleport, Kosuke and a glass of water stood right by Yuki. Yuki downed the glass and wiped his eyes.

"Thanks! Now, a plan to find out where the Host Club hid..."

"Either they've run away, or are still down there," Amaya pointed downwards.

"Okay! I'm gonna need some oatmeal, peas, cabbage juice, tomatoes, and something which smells bad..." Yuki declared, marching off.

"Protocol Feline Vomit?" Amaya asked.

"Indeed!" Yuki's voice came from another room, probably rummaging around for stuff.

"We don't have anything smelly except for-" Kosuke started, but Amaya shushed him. Yuki ran into the room, steam coming out of his ears.

"OH SHUT UP AJAY, MY SHOES ARE SELECTIVELY FRAGRANT! NOT ODOROUS!" He ran and punched a hole in the wall where Ajay's poster was. Kosuke sighed.

"If only we had something more solid..." He muttered.

"I got you covered," Amaya handed a bucket of cement and another bucket of whitewash to Kosuke.

* * *

Several groans came from a rather large azalea bush. Tamaki sat up, blowing blue bubbles and rubbing his head. Kyoya grumbled, pulling his head back down so he wouldn't be seen. Tamaki exclaimed in pain, because grumpy Kyoya's hand seemed to have claws and a tight grip.

"Owww...That hurt..." He whined, fearing for his hair.

"Elementary, dear Watson," Kyoya snatched Tamaki's stupid pipe and whacked it against Tamaki's head. Purple and pink bubbles sputtered out of it. Pretty shiny stars circled Tamaki's head, then he slumped back, knocked out. Clearly Kyoya wasn't in the mood.

"Well, that failed," Hikaru dully noted. Black Widow straightened and looked around her. She saw the guns which were in her utility belt. _Hey, if Chika could...I wonder if_...She pulled it out in front of her, examining it. Suddenly, Tamaki straightened up right in front of her, yelling.

"NOOO HARUHI!" Tamaki exclaimed, waking up just in time to check up on his daughter and tell her to stop doing whatever she was. This alarmed Haruhi, who pressed on the trigger hard, firing it at his face.

_More. Beeping. Pink and yellow bubbles. _

"Why..." Haruhi muttered. "Out of all the odds..."

"Ohhh dear me, cat barf!" Yuki called out, in a singsong innocent way. "Oh my, it appears that I have no where to dispose of it...might as well throw it out! But I'm too tired to go downstairs...so I'll just throw it out this window directly onto the azalea bushes!"

The Host Club sprang out of the bushes, only to be confronted by Amaya and Kosuke.

"THIS WAY!" Honey, despite his small size, grabbed everyone and rushed them in a general direction. They ran, with Amaya and Kosuke blocking them each time. However they just managed to prevent themselves from being seized. Suddenly the same sleek limousine pulled up, driven by Tomo The Driver. _Can we do it? Yes we_-NO. STOP. FOCUS!

Tamaki flung the door open and jumped in. He pulled Kyoya, whose leg was grabbed by Kaoru, who was tightly hugging Hikaru, who Honey was clinging to, who Mori was pushing inside. Mori fell in due to momentum, and Chika banged at the window until he decided to punch his way in. Chika has awesome martial arts skills. Enough said.

"If you are still determined to take your own life, please do so outside," they could hear Kosuke's voice calling out. "I'll warn you, I am a hell of a butler!" Well, that's reassuring...

"WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR? DRIVE DRIVE DRIVE!" Tamaki yelled as he reached over and honked the horn. Tomo glared at him and he slowly removed his hand and clutched it with the other.

"Asshole, I only answer to Yuki," Tomo sniffed.

"I'm the son of a really rich headmaster of a rich people school!" Tamaki yelled.

Tomo's eyes glinted with greed, "Where shall I dump your rich ass?"

Tamaki then began giving directions. They finally pulled up at a pink school building's gates. Suddenly there was a loud thump as Yuki jumped onto the limo, face smearing against the glass as he ogled at them. Everyone, except for Tomo, let out identical girly shrieks.

"Well hello, princess," Yuki crooned as he waved at Haruhi. She blushed and looked away shyly. "How you doing today?"

"S-senpai, stop the car...he might fall o-off," Haruhi spoke, turning rosy. The car screeched to a stop as the Twins gasped. Hikaru growled at Yuki. Tamaki screamed something which we conveniently missed, then apologized to Haruhi for Daddy's strong language. Haruhi raised her arm.

"How come I always get physically abused?" He whined. Haruhi turned towards Yuki, and very hesitantly pointed the bubble gun at his face. Yuki chuckled, grinning evilly.

"You come to finish me off, sweetheart? Oh! Hello, Chika!" Yuki waved elatedly. He adjusted himself until he was in front of said Harry Potter-costumed person. He leaned in. He totally could've kissed him, too, because let's not forget the hole in the window. Chika jumped, fumbling around in his wizard robes.

"AVADA KEDAVRA!" Chika yelled as he pointed his stick at Yuki. However, instead of Yuki falling over, dead, something peculiar began to happen.

Yuki's' skin began to melt and peel off, revealing paler and smoother skin underneath. Luckily, the clothes stayed on as Yukis' form began to shrink.

"OH MY GOD YOU KILLED HIM!" Haruhi yelled as she smacked Chika upside the head. However, when all the melting was complete, the Host Club couldn't believe their eyes.

For sitting right in front of them, blinking at them with dazed eyes and covered in disgusting melted skin, was a certain multi-haired super star.


	16. Chapter 16

Everyone froze as their jaws dropped to the ground. Noel laughed nervously, scratching the back of her head as she backed away, trying to escape. Kyoya and Honey jumped out of the car, and Mori kicked the door open. The three surrounded her, Kyoyas' glasses glinting dangerously.

"AMAYA! KOSUKE!" Noel yelped in a panic. Just as Kyoya reached for her arm, she cartwheeled away from him, laughing, slightly hysterically, like a maniac. Mori made to grab her leg however she did a backflip and skidded to the side, away from him. The Host Club gaped as the rest of them followed suit, poring out of the vehicle.

"I knew this-erm, I mean her butler and maid can do that kind of stuff, but all this time, Yuki could too?" Kaoru whined.

"Squadrons, Code Green!" Kyoya said into a cellphone he had pulled out of his pocket. Suddenly his police force appeared out of no where and surrounded Amaya and Kosuke, who backed up until they were back-to-back. Amaya and Kosuke fought bravely and defeated many of them before they fell. Amaya had attempted to jump over them to Noel and help her to escape but Mori had managed to grab her by the waist and yanked her back onto the floor where she was quickly restrained by the police. Kosuke hit Mori in the back of the head, knocking him out and took out two others before he was tripped and defeated by Honey when he attempted to get to Noel and flee.

"Not on my watch," Honey stated, a dangerous aura radiating from him. He turned and saw Noel turning a corner pretty far ahead of them. She appeared to be extremely athletic and with a head start might have lost them. Except for she ran into a dratted dead end. Kyoya's police force closed in on her.

"We're so sorry mistress! We have failed you! Please forgive us!" Amaya and Kosuke got onto their knees and cried about how they had disappointed and ruined Noel, who proceeded to make the sweat-drop of the millennium. She awkwardly tried to console them as her eyes darted around nervously for an escape route. Mori, who had woken up, put his hands on her shoulders, effectively restraining her.

"No," was all he said. Honey then walked over, his bangs covering his eyes, "I'll take it from here, Takashi," he said gravely. Mori nodded as he silently released Noel and backed away. Noel immediately saw her chance as the police force made way for Honey.

"Honey look! USA CHAN IS BEING THROWN FROM A WINDOW!" she cried desperately. Honey's head immediately snapped to where she was pointing. Kyoya slowly raised his hand and face-palmed as Kaoru and Hikaru followed suit. As soon as Honey had taken his eyes off of her, Noel had made a run for it.

"Squadron...divide and conquer!" Kyoya yelled. Half of the police force ran towards Noel, who somehow fought her way out and ran into the school.

"AFTER HER!" Tamaki yelled. "HEY! NOEL CASSIDY IS HERE! TEN YEN IF YOU GRAB HER, GIRLS!"

"Noel...Cassidy? KYAAAAAAAA!" A rising cry from fangirls reached Noel's ears. She was skidding across corridors, hiding under pianos (yeah, they actually have pianos) and hanging from the chandeliers. The fangirls were ready, though. All of them sniffed her out in various places. It was a wild goose chase. Remember the part where people open various doors and come out of different ones than they entered, bump into each other and chase each other around like idiots? Noel kept opening door after door after door.

"I've got to make it...it's gotta be there...VICTORY!" She cried. She spotted Music Room Three. I don't know why she was looking for that place of all places, for all we know the Host Club is sipping tea while waiting in there. Wouldn't that be amusing?

The door sprang open as two officers exited the room. Noel ran down the hallway and jumped down the stairwell. She tried to do her ninja trick again.

"THIS WAY!" Tamaki pointed. The Host Club sprinted, looking around. Chika tried to slip away discreetly as they searched the area where the officers last reported a sighting. He backed away further from the group of maniacs. Then he bad the misfortune of tripping down a stair or two.

"AAAAH! SOS!" The Host Club turned around and watched Chika scream like a tortured person as he tumbled down various stairs. Noel, hearing this, happened to be hanging onto the railing one or two levels down. She must've interpreted it the wrong way, because in her mind appeared of the Host Club doing XXXXX and YYY to Chika.

How does one have mental images of seven idiots in powder blue uniforms tying Harry Potter to a chair, and messing with his mind by making Tamaki sing?

_You are just awfully talented like that_, Conny explained.

"THERE SHE IS!" A voice yelled.

Immediately girls swarmed from the most unbelievable places, performing various ninja moves that they had learned as a result of being heiresses. Chika and Tamaki turned around just in time to see Noel being carried by a horde of girls into Music Room Three. The door slammed, and suspicious noises were heard. Tamaki and Honey pressed their ears to the lock, trying to look all dramatic.

"Oh s*** this," Chika muttered. "BOMBARDA!" He blasted a listening hole in the door.

"It's over nine thousand! I'll bite you to death! Believe it! I'll take a chip and eat it! Whose eyes are those eyes? Sit Boy! GO PIKACHU! I'm fired up! LOVE AND JUSTICE! BL POWER! Dattebayo! In the name of the moon, I will punish you! Exactly as planned!" They heard Noel screech.

"Baka," Kyoya muttered, twirling his finger near his ear.

Finally, the door burst open and a rather raggedy looking Noel appeared. She sighed as she looked at the Host Club and sunk to the floor in defeat.

"I give up," she grumbled.

"Care to explain? _Yuki?" _Kyoya asked, smirking at her.

"Fine, I will!" she glared at him from her spot on the floor. Kyoya looked a little taken back. She didn't really act like the Yuki they had gotten used to, was it all an act? Kyoya held a hand out and helped her up. She immediately let go when she was on her feet and began drawing circles on the floor with her foot as she grumbled out her explanation.

"You see, I purchased that whole artificial skin thingy that a laboratory created. I'm acquainted with the people over there. I staged the kidnapping video, for something which "Daichi" and I called the "money plan". Daichi isn't his real name, because otherwise, everyone would know who Yuki Aki is in a cinch...or start thinking that he's my long-lost brother. Our idea was to have me go missing for a while, and reappear with a dramatic comeback. Boom, concert tickets and a revamped fanbase in a nutshell." Kyoya proudly nodded where he was accurate.

"Yes, we knew about the skin. When I was measuring your nostrils, I was checking the proportions of your body. Exact as the measurements of your fake body." He continued reviewing his info about the bank account and what he had told the Host Club, and concluded with something new. "I also know through lip-reading that the incomprehensible thing you uttered in the last moments of your alleged kidnapping video was actually 'So long, suckers!'"

"Well, looks like you know everything. You are as clever and deductive as I expect, _Ootori Kyoya_. Congratulations. Also thanks to you, it looks like I won't have a dramatic entrance," Noel hissed.

"You suddenly appeared in front of a pink school while assaulting eight idiots wearing powder blue uniforms in a limousine," Tomo deadpanned. "Unexpected enough. Oh, and by the way, one of you asses owe me a new window."

"Jeez, _Noel_," Chika spoke exaggeratedly. "Give your poor driver a break, and stop breaking his windows!"

Noel growled, drank something out of a red can and breathed live flames at him. He shrieked and dropped his laser wand. Noel cleared her throat, bowing.

_Yep, I told you! You came up with that!_ Conny cheered.

"You can still have your dramatic entrance, of course, provided that you..." Kyoya hesitated as everyone leaned in to properly hear what he was saying.

"Agree to marry me of course." he finished.

...

Noel fainted. 'Nuff said.


	17. Chapter 17

"_What?_" Tamaki demanded of his best friend.

"First, let's wake her up," Kyoya said as he distastefully eyed the passed out Noel, "I do not like having to repeat myself."

So, after using a variety of different ways to wake her up, Noel was finally startled awake. She looked at Kyoya and began to giggle, "I had the weirdest dream. You were there, and you were there and you were there and Kyoya said he wanted to _marry _me. Hahaha, that's so hilarious!"

Tamaki sighed. Now we're back to square one...

"Actually, I was quite serious," Kyoya said, "And don't you dare try to faint again," he added when Noel went pale.

"Why?" everyone seemed to ask in unison.

"The answer is quite simple really. If I marry Noel, then my father will realize that the company would do better in my hands than that of my unmarried brothers as I would be stable, financially of course and that would be a great asset to the company. If he still decides that he won't give me the company, I'd be able to buy it using Noel's great many assets. It's a win win for me and I have a feeling Noel would agree. She wouldn't want me to expose her for being the faker she is, am I right Noel?"

Noel swallowed nervously before giving him a crisp nod. Kyoya smirked, "Great, we'll pick out the rings tomorrow, yes?"

"So soon..." Noel murmured, paling as her eyes rolled back up into her head once again.

"That'll get annoying real fast," Kyoya grumbled, "Mori, could you ?" Mori nodded as he hoisted Noel onto his shoulder. Noel woke up again, suddenly.

"I DEMAND AN ATTORNEY!" Noel protested, struggling and trying to karate-kick her way out, however Mori had held both Chika and Honey on his shoulders already. He was now prepared for most anything. "GIMME THAT!" Noel snatched Tamaki's bubble pipe and blew a stream of bubbles in his face.

Well, _almost_ anything.

The Host Club took out a chair and a rope, grinning evilly. Noel made a sweat drop.

Within seconds Noel was restrained.

"Alright, alright, I'll marry you." Noel said, thinking herself to be very clever. _I'll marry him, have him assassinated and then get married to Tom Cruise! :3 _

"Of course in the case that I am mysteriously assassinated your secret will be revealed internationally and you will be sentenced with a life term in jail, if you have a good lawyer that is," Kyoya said, smirking deviously. He also smiled sweetly at Noel. His sweet smile also meant _Just f***ing marry me already before I whip out the Shadow King biz because I WILL_.

Noel swallowed, "Alright."

* * *

The next few weeks went by as a blur to Noel. Before she knew it, she was already preparing herself for the big moment. Naturally, given Kyoya, it was going to be an opulent proposal. Conveniently, it would be wearing the most formal clothes and going for the more "presentable" rather than "romantic" outlook.

"Trying to track down Haruhi while promoting your own selfish interests sure backfired on your ass, didn't?" Ajay said casually as he sat on the grass next to Noel in a casual suit, all dressed up for Noel's engagement. Noel herself was wearing a black wig because Kyoya had coldly informed her that multicolored hair was not appropriate for their engagement.

"Yeah," Noel said, looking dazed. "I didn't mean for any of this to happen; forcibly getting married to Kyoya I mean. If it was Chika I wouldn't have minded as much, nerds are hot. Kyoya's just a shadowy bastard."

Just as she said 'shadowy bastard' Kyoya popped out of the rainbows. Just kidding, he appeared out of the shadows of course. Noel mouthed 'told you' at Ajay who rolled his eyes, stood and made to help Noel up. Kyoya beat him to it, holding out a hand. Noel eyed it cautiously before accepting. It felt cold and smooth, causing Noel to let go immediately.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you," Kyoya smiled at Noel while muttering the words dangerously. Noel made a very unconvincing 'I'm okay!' grin and shakily stood up. Tamaki rushed over to her, sobbing.

"Oh, Noel-chaaan! How wonderful and daunting a day like this is! Ohh, I can only imagine how nervous and flustered you are feeling! To be unified, tied to a single person, throwing all your dreams and surname down the drain! To be married for the rest of your life!" At the words 'the rest of your life', Noel turned exceptionally pale.

"Now now, she is not Noel-chan, Tamaki. Clearly you two are not dating," Kyoya chuckled amiably, but both Noel and Tamaki could see a dark, threatening aura rise from Kyoya. They could sense his real grimace and glare, nothing going as planned.

"Aaah! Ootori-sama is being scaaaary!" Tamaki and Noel hugged each other and screamed, then realized what they were doing and pushed each other apart. Tamaki pushed Noel in front of him as a meat shield from the glowing glasses of _doom_.

Kyoya grasped a firm grip on Noel's shoulder with one hand and took her other hand. With his free one. Noel eyed it suspiciously but didn't protest. However, she did throw nervous glances at Tamaki. The two of them walked down a path with flower petals and Honey with a basket full of the *BEEP*ing things. It seemed like the entire school and every single person they knew, from Grandma Marchie to Geeky Cousin Albert and That-Goofy-Uncle-You-Don't-Want-Anyone-To-Know-Abo ut, was going to watch them.

"Mad awks, much," Noel muttered. Kyoya gave her a reproachful glare for such informal speech, but his clear disturbed air agreed with her. They stood in front of each other, smiling cheesily.

"Noel, the love of my heart, the rose of my eyes. Will you marry me, for no reason of selfish gain nor ulterior motives?" Kyoya deadpanned.

"Kyoya, oh Kyoya," Noel didn't even bother to pretend to swoon properly. "I have been longing for you, and looking to the day where my eyes shall meet with your endless pits of shadows and darkness."

"Will you marry me?" Kyoya asked. By now they didn't really care about the trashy quality of their acting. Noel wanting to say "NO" but she didn't really have a choice. She giggled girlishly with a sickly sweet smile and nodded a little too enthusiastically. Tamaki raved over how cute she was.

"Senpai...that smile isn't real," Hikaru whispered. Haruhi turned pink and looked away. Noel smirked. _Ooh, looky here, girl_... Kyoya distracted her, slipping a ring onto Noel's finger that must have cost him a million, trillion, billion-oh forget it. A ton of money. She gasped at the brilliance of the perfectly-cut diamond.

They walked off trying to look as lovey dovey as possible momentarily during which there would a pause where guests would arrive for the wedding itself (yeah these were the lazy a**** who postponed coming to this celebrity marriage until the actual hitching came on). Noel thanked the wedding coordinator, if her records were exact, at least fifty times for such a wonderful idea.

"Oh Noel-lovey don't worry, I do this alllllll the time," Ajay winked at her. Somehow she was a little less reassured, and not convinced that many celebrities trusted Ajay to think up schedules for their weddings.

"Popcorn, popcorn, get your popcorn," a hired worker proclaimed. A couple others shoved cotton candy bags in the faces of elegantly dressed young ladies who scoffed but secretly handed them enough yen for two each. One handed out the wedding schedule on a program. This was so not a dream wedding, neither for Kyoya nor Noel. Then again, it totally was Kyoya. Organized and every second planned.

Except...

"Oh what a gloooorious day to crash a wedding!" Ella declared. "We should do this allll the time!" She was wearing a gorgeous emerald green dress, and had a new haircut.

"Yeah, let's marry people off more often," Raven nodded.

"Oh and by the way, August 16th was my birthday!" She called over her shoulder to the three person crowd of well-dressed fans. Raven herself was wearing a floor-length red dress. Without the annoying heels that usually go with floor-length dresses.

"Let's go crash this party!" Raven yelled.

"Heck YEAH we are. Woohoo! Let's make Kyoya turn into-uhh-" Ella searched for a word.

"Rainbows?"

"I was thinking more like a puddle, but yeah let's go with that."

"Hello ladies," Tomo the Driver showed up and bowed to Ella.

"Bout time. How long does it take to park a classy limousine, anyways?"

"Much harder considering Miss Raven here installed a "**Ooh Look We Have A Classy Limousine, Now Bow to Us**" banner. And you thought we wouldn't notice that," a second chauffeur, by the name of Logic, walked up. He was dressed up in his best tux (also the only one he ever had or will have).

"Let us go make this party into a disaster, since disasters are part of the party, and since we are going to a wedding party," Tomo mockingly spoke in a snotty English accent. "In fact, since Kyoya is the Shadow King, we should try to annoy him because he's a favorite character. Since he is the Shadow King, naturally rainbows or pink clouds and happiness would irk him. Irking Kyoya would be the start to a disaster."

"Yes, yes," Logic seemed very happy that everything was making sense. He let Tomo continue on like this for five more minutes until he realized Tomo was mocking his name. Ella and Raven turned around to see Logic attempting to hit Tomo but failing. Why? Well, if Ella can throw a grown man to the ground, who knows what Tomo can do.

"Quick, quick! They're going to play the wedding song, "Canon in D"!" Ella exclaimed. She could see Noel poised, holding a bouquet of roses while trying not to sneeze. Sadly, the poor girl was allergic to roses and let out a big one, causing Kyoya's nose to wrinkle slightly in disgust. Kyoya was stiffly smiling and he didn't look like he was breathing at all. He didn't seem too eager to be kissed, as he kept wiping his lips discreetly. Who knows, maybe Tamaki tried to kiss his "ami' goodbye and it didn't go well.

"Forget bout Canon in D. Let's rock this-this-"

"Boat?"

"Well, I was thinking more like grounds, but yeah that works too." Raven took out a CD that said **Rejected Ice Skating Program Music I**. Ella looked at it suspiciously but let it go. The violinists foolishly played the intro to Canon in D, without knowing what was coming next. Mwahahaha...haha.


End file.
